


A viper in high grass

by KimsyWims



Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Anal Sex, Angst, Eventual Romance, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Masturbation, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Past Torture, Pining, Possessive Behavior, Reward Systems, Smut, The non-con is NOT between Steve and Bucky, Violence, handler!Steve
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-06-02
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-07-10 08:51:49
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 10
Words: 25,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6976279
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/KimsyWims/pseuds/KimsyWims
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the age of eight, Steve Rogers saw his mother get killed by masked men in their ratty apartment. Luckily he was saved from the attackers by HYDRA and they proceeded to raise the scrawny kid as one of their own. When Steve at the age of nineteen becomes the new handler to The Winter Soldier, he could never have guessed how his world would be turned around by a man who lacked his own free will. </p>
<p>Handler!Steve AU where Steve falls in love with the asset and doesn't like how the guy is being treated. However, running away with HYDRA's number one weapon isn't going to be an easy task and Steve is running out of both time and option, as HYDRA has decided they don't like the way the asset's loyalties has changed from HYDRA to Steve Rogers for the past few years...</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter one: Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> So here's a few things to know.  
> *Steve wasn't born 1918.  
> *Steve never knew Bucky before HYDRA.  
> *Steve isn't cruel just because he's in HYDRA.  
> *Steve is NOT a Nazi.  
> *Steve would still do anything for Bucky, no matter the cost.
> 
> Also, there won't be any non-con/Rape between Steve and Bucky, anything they get up to is with consent, sometimes the line is a bit blurry but Steve never force himself on Bucky, and Bucky never force himself on Steve.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Get to know a little about Steve and his relationship with the asset.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> There is nsfw in the end, if you don't want to read NSFW don't read the italics and I apologize because there will probably be kind of a lot nsfw in this fic :)

Steve had been part of HYDRA since he was eight years old. Masked men had busted into his and his ma's ratty apartment in Brooklyn and shot her dead in the living room. Steve had been a scrawny kid but had fought against the attackers with a chair. But before they had been able to shoot him too, HYDRA had bust into their apartment and saved Steve's ass. 

Steve knew exactly how grateful he was supposed to be to HYDRA and he really was, he owed them his life, his loyalty and his everything. 

HYDRA hadn't just saved him from getting shot, they had also raised him, constantly in different bases and locations, given him a proper education and they had given him the latest drugs and remedies for his many diseases. As a result, when he hit fifteen and puberty had drop kicked him in the guts, he had managed to go from a scrawny kid to a hunky brick wall that didn't take shit from anyone. 

Most of his health issues were gone, the weak bone structure, his heart problems, his lungs were better and he rarely even noticed his asthma anymore. His hearing aids was barely even visible and the surgery they had preformed on his eyes had given him a great eyesight and he very rarely had any headaches any longer. 

Some weeks after Steve had turned nineteen had been the first time he'd ever seen HYDRA's most valued asset; The Winter Soldier.

It had been all about luck and being at the right place in the right time. He'd been on his way to his superior's office for discipline since he'd begun another fist fight,  ** _again,_** when an agent had crashed out through a door in front of him. Steve hadn't even really thought, just acted on impulse and grabbed the fallen agent's gun before charging inside. 

The room had been in complete disarray, equipment, computers and people were thrown all over the place. The people consisted mostly of lab coat guys and Steve hadn't cared much about them. What he had cared about was all the blood and the half naked brunet with a metal arm in the middle of the room that was holding a scalpel in his right hand.  

Even if he hadn't seen the asset before, he'd known at once who the man had been. He also had known hadn't been allowed to shoot the guy even if he needed to. Instead he'd dropped the gun to the floor and held his hands up slowly as he approached.  _"Hey there buddy, why don't ya let the knife go hm? Let's not make it worse than it is yeah?"_

Steve remember the way those empty stormy grey eyes had landed on him and stayed. The brunet had stood still, hadn't moved a muscle and he'd allowed Steve to go to him, take the knife from his hand then allowed Steve to push him back to sit down on the floor while they waited for someone to come and take things over. 

Ever since that day, at only nineteen years old, Steve had managed to become and remain the asset's main handler.

HYDRA had tried to replace him several times since Steve wasn't either qualified for the job or anyone of actual importance within HYDRA, being just another agent who was meant for minor unimportant missions. They also didn't like how Steve  _coddled_ the asset.

But as it had turned out, there was no one who could sway the asset better than Steve could. Even when the programming sometimes broke in the brunet's pretty head, Steve could still easily maneuver and handle the asset to get him to do what Steve wanted him to do. Even if the soldier turned into a danger to anyone in his immediate surrounding by a code error, Steve was always safe.

Steve liked to think that maybe the asset liked him even if he didn't always remember him.

Today Steve was twenty one years old and the asset had just been thawed, wiped and was ready for his new mission. Steve was never around for the wipes, he didn't like the sound of the brunet screaming in agonizing pain. In fact, he hated it above anything and he wished they'd just find a way to handle the asset that didn't hurt the guy. He didn't like how empty the asset was after the wipes, how everything was just gone and the guy would just sit and stare empty at nothing.

Which was exactly what he was doing right now, showing no recognition of Steve whatsoever. 

"He done?" Steve asked one of the lab coats, not caring that he sounded snappy. 

"Soon,  _sir._ We have to look at his vitals one more time." Was the tight reply. 

The lab coat was new, the other's had learned that Steve didn't like it when the asset hurt. They wouldn't have cared if it wasn't for the fact that they all knew exactly how loyal the asset was to Steve and how people who pissed Steve off or tried to hurt him always had a tendency to end up with broken bones, or dead. This guy though must have missed the memo by the way the word  _sir_ was used like an insult.

But since Steve was getting the asset back for the first time in several months and was in a rather good mood, he let it slip.

"Kay buddy. Y'gonna have to lean back again so they can fix ya up." Steve said as he moved forwards. "S'okay. S'me, Steve."

The asset looked up at him with his stormy eyes and tilted his head to the left in empty confusion. It took a little while and Steve's fingers gently pushing against the asset's chiseled chest before the recognition clicked and the brunet relaxed and leaned back int the chair without slightest hint of hesitation. Sometimes Steve had a hard time telling if it was trust or obedience, but he always had that small little spark of hope that it was the former. 

The number of times the asset and his plain obedience had both starred roles in Steve's wettest dreams had gone over the limit of counting. It made Steve's fingers itch to know what he could have, how he could just order the asset to do the things he wanted. How the asset would sink to his knees so prettily and open his mouth wide for Steve's cock if he was just told to do it, looking up at Steve with his pretty stormy eyes filled of mischief. He'd never seen that, but the asset felt like a guy that would have a mischievous smile.

But Steven Grant Rogers wasn't that kind of a man. He could kill a target easy as anything, _people were just numbers nothing more_ , but when it came to rape... Steve drew a sharp line. He wouldn't use the asset for his own selfish needs and wishes, just like he wouldn't let anyone else abuse the asset that way either. No matter how much they kept begging for it. 

Sure, there was those few times on slow missions where Steve had ordered the asset to get his shirt off an sit still. Not to touch, but to watch and draw. Steve loved to sketch those perfect planes of muscles that were often hidden under cotton and leather and he'd filled entire sketchbooks with nothing but the brunet.

"The asset is done. Agent Rumlow will be waiting for you in the-" 

"The mission won't start until I've cleaned him up. Rumlow knows the drill." 

"But, sir..." 

"I won't fight with a fucking dirty weapon. Don't expect him to be an exception. C'me on buddy." 

The new guy opened his mouth to protest and Steve was getting real tired of his attitude and opted on letting the asset break his arm. But another lab coat quickly put his hand on the new guy's shoulder, smiled apologetically and gave his most profound apologizes. The new guy looked like he wanted to argue his friend but at the same time the asset had stepped over and loyally taken place by Steve's side and the other lab coat whispered something to the new one, who'm turned pale as a sheet.  ** _Good_**. 

Steve smirked at them, made a mock salute before easily grabbing the asset's left metal hand and walked out of the room. Most people just had the asset tailing them around, but Steve liked to hold the metal hand and not just because he enjoyed hand holding. Everyone had heard what that metal arm was capable of, that it was a deadly weapon of destruction. And yet here it was, delicately wrapped around two of Steve's fingers without Steve fearing for them to break. 

But that wasn't the only  reason for him to hold the assets hand. He'd quite early on noticed that the brunet liked it. He had also noticed that the asset responded a whole lot better to rewards than he did to punishments and Steve had been quick to exploit that. Whenever the asset was good in the labs and didn't cause any trouble, Steve rewarded him by hand holding.

A win win situation really.

"This mission is an easy one, in out and back to report. You have two level three targets and are as usual not to be seen. We will be gone for three days and if compromised you will use Italian. Strike team one will be with us but you will answer to me and no one else." 

There was no reply from the asset, but neither was there supposed be one. The asset had heard the orders and that was enough. 

Steve easily moved the brunet into his small living space and locked the door behind them. It wasn't much for the world, just one room that mainly consisted of the bed, his desk, a drawer, a built in kitchen and a door leading into the bathroom. There was a few agents who lived constantly on the bases, Steve was one of them and so was another three people in this hallway. 

Steve's room was by far the best since his bathroom had a tub, a nice toilet, sink, small dryer stacked on top of a washing machine and a full body mirror tucked into the free corner. Which meant he could do his laundry without having to go through anyone else and no one needed to find out what kind of underwear he preferred.

Steve easily scooted the asset into the bathroom but remained in the bedroom himself. Two people in his bathroom got too crammed and he was confident the brunet wouldn't do anything stupid just because he was left alone for a few minutes. Hot baths and showers was one of the asset's favorite things and Steve always made sure it happened at least twice every time he was out of the ice. Once after waking up and once before going back down. 

"Do your toilet business, get naked and sit in the tub waiting for me. Don't touch anything, don't do anything stupid and I'll mix in bubbles and let you pick temperature." He said from the door and made sure the asset was looking at him when he said it. "I have to go and get your gear but if you misbehave I'll know and I pick the temperature." 

No one but Steve allowed the asset to be alone when they were in the base. There was too many ways it could go wrong and if something went wrong people from their side got hurt. But Steve had figured the asset out more or less, the way he always shone up, _just barely visibly under the empty mask_ , just for the promise of a bubble bath. That was enough to make Steve confident the guy wouldn't cause any harm. 

And just as suspected, when Steve came back with the gear, clean clothes and the mask, he found the brunet sitting in his tub. It was adorable, the way he had to tuck his knees to his chest to fit in the small tub. Steve often wished he'd be allowed to take pictures of the asset on his phone, but there was too high of a risk that he got hacked and someone would see them.

He left the bathroom without saying a thing and made a quick checkup on his room to make sure nothing had been moved or touched. But he found that the only thing new was the pile of black combat pants, underwear and boots standing just outside the bathroom door. Just like they were supposed to be since it'd be easier for Steve to get to them and they weren't in the way if Steve didn't feel for cleaning them away right away. 

So, he dumped the gear and clean clothes on the bed, grabbed yesterday's leftover filled pizza bread and put it in the microwave and toyed with his phone while waiting for it to get warm. If the soldier was good and remained at the same place when Steve came back, he'd get a taste of Steve's food for good behavior. Something that also was usual for them. He couldn't just give the guy things, but he could reward good behavior. So, he made up little tests like these and thus didn't feel too bad about going against protocol. 

"So buddy, you wanna put your hand under the water and tell me when it's comfy?" He asked as he walked in and put his plate with pizza bread on the toilet seat. "Know y'like it hot Bucks, let's get that ice outta ya system properly, yeah?" 

The brunet gave a tiny nod and put his right hand under the tap as Steve turned the water on. The nickname Bucky came from the guys real name, not that the asset had any memory of even having a name, but Steve had accidentally read some old files and found the name; James Buchanan Barnes. He hadn't looked into it, didn't need to know who this guy had been before HYDRA, but he had done a play on his middle name and when they were alone, he called the asset, Bucky. 

For as far as Steve knew, the brunet liked his nickname and listened a lot more to Steve if Steve used it. 

When Bucky gave a small nod, Steve put the plug in and grabbed for the purple bottle that was kept especially for the brunet and dribbled some of the milky white liquid into the rushing water. It didn't take many seconds before the entire room was engulfed in the scent of lavender and lemon and the asset closed his eyes with a tiny smile playing on his lips. 

"S'that good pal?" He asked and splashed slightly in the scalding hot water. 

"Yes, sir." 

"Steve," he reminded gently, "Y'gonna call me Steve when we're alone, remember?" 

He didn't want to be called sir by Bucky. The sound of it from the brunet's mouth just made him feel like another handler, another agent and he didn't like it. What he did like was when Bucky's raspy voice used his name, when there was a difference between Steve and all the other guys around. He wanted Bucky to remember that Steve didn't hurt him like the others did. Steve's punishments involved the asset not being allowed baths, not taking his hand, not letting him taste Steve's food. But he never hurt Bucky. 

"Sorry Steve." Was the soft reply. 

"Good boy." He said and grabbed the plate before sitting down on the toilet to watch the bubbles and water slowly rise over Bucky's well shaped body. He pointedly didn't look at impressive mass between his legs, but spent the extra time to admire his chest. "Christ... really good boy." He mumbled to himself. 

Bucky tilted his head just the slightest in carefully hidden question and Steve smiled a cheeky smile back at him. The asset was very aware he wasn't allowed to ask questions and no one ever seemed to think that he did. To be fair, Steve hadn't either at first, but after being Bucky's handler for two years Steve had recognized the hidden expressions that was still there, deeply guarded but Steve could see them. 

"Hey, don't gimme that Buck. Y'know y' ain't allowed to be inquisitive." He warned with playfulness and reached over to give the brown hair a gentle tug.  

Bucky quickly lowered his stormy grey blue eyes and tilted his head slightly away from him. It was the right response, but it tugged a little in Steve's chest to see the brunet sad. He sighed and slipped down on a knee and sat knelt beside the tub. 

"Hey c'me on, want a bite of my pizza bread? S'got extra cheese." 

He waved the half eaten food in front of the brunet's face and smiled cheeky again. Feeding the asset was definitely not allowed and mostly resulted in the poor guy throwing up his entire stomach content since his body was used to protein shakes and disgusting goes that smelled like shit. But Steve had figured out that if he gave the brunet just a few bites, nothing spicy and nothing too hard to chew, he could handle it just fine. 

Steve had a few things that he absolutely knew Bucky could eat. Pizza with extra cheese, sushi without the wasabi, small crispy spring rolls, plain noodles, french fries and pretty much all kinds of fruit except bananas for some reason. Something that Steve never, ever, ever again would try to give him was mac'n'cheese. Bucky had been sick all over the place after they tried that and Pierce had been pissed for three months. 

Bucky didn't even try to get a bite from the pizza bread even if his eyes were locked at the food and he looked like a starving puppy. Not until Steve said he was allowed, then he eagerly bit and chewed, swallowing the food quickly around soft moans and noises that did things to anyone's groin.

Those noises, or more precisely the soft moans that occasionally left the brunet's lips was admittedly one of the reasons as to why Steve even gave the asset food in the first place. Those moans were hot enough to turn a straight man gay and if Steve hadn't already been interested in men he sure would have been after hearing them. They were also fodder for his dirty dreams at night. 

Which was why usually Steve usually would slip the brunet food late at night before they went to sleep whenever they were alone on missions. As soon as they turned in he could reach down in his pants and stroking himself until he came and fell into heavy immediate sleep. Having livid dreams about Bucky making those noises for him. To know right now that all he'd have to do would be to reach down in the bubbly bath water and he'd get to actually feel...

Well, it was doing nothing for his straining pants. 

"Okay, that's enough. We don'wanna get ya sick big guy." He heard himself say before taking the pizza bread away. 

He smiled fondly when the asset got that teeny pull of a scowl in his face. The one no one else noticed but him, it was cute but not something that should be encouraged behavior. So, he splashed some water in the brunet's face to stop it, the asset clearly suppressed a small huff but the scowl quickly slipped away from his face in exchange for the usual neutral mask. 

Steve easily stood up, grabbed what was left of the pizza and took a bite as he headed out of the room. Not that had much of an appetite since he'd already eaten, but the thought that he was sharing food with Bucky never failed to make him even more excited. It wasn't like kissing the asset, but it was damn close to it. At least when you were desperate for it to actually happen and you knew it probably never would.

When the food was done, he threw himself on his back on the bed and looked up at the roof while his fingers made quick work of unbuckling his belt, unbuttoned his cargo pants and pulled down the fly. He'd have to read files the hours they were about to spend on the plane and his leaking cock in his pants was beyond distracting so he'd just fix that while Bucky  was soaking up in the bath. In the other room. Naked.

He grabbed himself firm in hand by the base and gave a long slow stroke, biting his lower lip and closed his eyes as he tried to suppress his moan. He could see the asset's pretty stormy eyes and his dark brown tresses that reached to his shoulders.

_Soft kisses would be delivered to his stomach, slowly going down and downwards, a promise of what's to come. One hand would be placed on each of his inner thighs, metal and skin rubbing soft teasing circles, making the ends of his nerves feel like they were on fire. The asset... no Bucky, would look up at him from under his long lashes before his tongue would slide slowly over Steve's hard cock._

_Steve would grab both his hands into that soft long hair, he'd give a warning tug and Bucky's eyes wouldn't be empty, they'd be filled by mischief and delight. The tug would be warning enough and Bucky would slowly wrap his lips around Steve's tip, slide a perfect tongue over the slit and practically purr by the taste of Steve's precum._

_Bucky would proceed to tease his aching cock, suck and lick, deliver little nips to his already sensitive skin. He would be so fucking beautiful and Steve wouldn't be able to hold his thrushes down. Bucky wouldn't pull back though, he'd probably gag at the first push of Steve's hips, then he'd just swallow Steve down and Steve would feel the heat fully around him. He'd feel the constriction of Bucky's throat._

_He'd tell Bucky how fucking beautiful he was while fucking his throat and Bucky would be moaning loud and eager for him. Steve bet Bucky was the kind of guy that swallowed... Bucky would be sucking so eagerly to get to swallow Steve's load._

_Steve of course wouldn't let him. Not at first, he'd hold out to the last just to tease Bucky and deny him his spend, but Bucky wouldn't have none of that. Bucky would use one of those perfect metal fingers and tease it up Steve's cleft then the tip would sink into his-AH!_

Steve gasped and cursed loudly as he came all over his hand and all the way up on his green t-shirt. He sighed loudly and just let his head fall back against the bed, his softening cock still in hand as he re closed his eyes. 

Fucking hell, Steve had it real deep for this guy. He had it deep for a guy with no fucking will of his own, no desires and that went into the freezer eleven months of the fucking year. That was just his damn luck though wasn't it? Just like he'd lost his ma, like he never could keep any friends cause you never knew when another agent would fall on some mission. 

"Great fucking job Rogers." He muttered to himself and opened his eyes again. 

There was a ping on his phone and he picked it up with his left hand. It was Rumlow who was pissed over being left waiting with his strike team down in the hangar with no sign of either Steve nor the asset. Steve didn't even reply, just sighed and tossed the phone away before pulling his shirt off and used it as a rag. He needed to clean up Bucky and get them both ready for the mission.

Then he could spend his free hours to pine for the guy he could never have. 


	2. How to care for the winter soldier

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brock is a piece of shit. The asset don't like when people threatens his handler. Steve is enjoying things a bit too much.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Fristly; I am so sorry about the long delay in posting of this chapter. Summer has come by and I've been up to my waist in things to do.   
> Secondly; I apologize this chapter came out this short. I have the next already written but not yet read and edited and I was planning on posting it at the same time but I figured I'd give you what I have.   
> Thirdly! Thank you for all kudos and comments! I really hope you will enjoy! :)

"The fuck took you so damn long?" Rumlow growled through gritted teeth once they finally got to the hangar.

Steve had decided to take special good care of the soldier that day. _Maybe because he'd felt a bit guilty for having jacked off to the thought of the brunet blowing him when he had nearly been in the same room_. So, he'd shampooed Bucky's hair three times since the brunet had got that face of pure bliss when Steve had scraped his fingers softly against his scalp. Then Steve had proceeded with spending a ridiculous amount of time on cleaning Bucky's body from top to bottom until he was absolutely spotless.

Cleaning the asset always meant touching Buck's entire body, cock included. But when it came to cleaning Bucky up, it didn't lay any weight on Steve's conscience that he would be doing something wrong, because cleaning wasn't sexual. Even if Steve had to admit that had it been any other guy, it would damn sure have been seen that way.

Of course it could have been sexual with Bucky too, but Steve wouldn't go there. Steve would never go there with a guy who couldn't say no.

Dressing up the asset had also been a slow process. Steve knew that Bucky knew how to dress himself, but Steve preferred to be the one to tie his shoes and make sure that everything was flawlessly strapped on. At a control of the asset, Steve would be the one to get shit if something was put on wrong or missing and Steve already was in shit with Pierce for how loose he was with the soldier.

The mask and the goggles were the two things the asset by no circumstance was allowed to put on or take off by himself. Unless he was in the field and they got damaged and thus were a hindrance of his missions.

When Steve put them on, he always took care not to get any strands of the dark soft hair stuck and pinned under any of the pieces, he didn't want his Bucky to be uncomfortable. Had it been up to him how the asset looked like, he'd probably get Bucky a haircut or at least a hair tie. But how the asset looked wasn't Steve's choice, so Steve did what he could with what little he had to make Bucky as comfortable as possible.

Steve had gone so far as to promise that if Bucky was a good boy, he'd get to sleep the nights in a pair of sweatpants and a tee, instead of his leathers and cargo pants. He wasn't entirely sure, but he thought that Bucky might be excited about the promise. Especially since Bucky  had been slightly more eager to comply to Steve's every will to prove he was a good boy.

Which included stepping up on Steve's left side when Rumlow had snapped at him in the hangar, ready to keep Steve safe at any cost.

Every agent knew they were disposable in the eyes of HYDRA.

Just as in any other organization there were ranks in HYDRA. On top there was Pierce, then came a few other people, agents that had been with HYDRA for a very long time and had done a lot of good. Then there was a few scientists that were above anyone else, Zola still freaked Steve the hell out, _computers shouldn't be people_. Then there was the people like Rumlow, leaders of different tag teams, then there was the lesser scientists and agents and so on and so on. 

But then there was also the handlers of the asset, or as to right now, the handler, since Steve was alone with the title. He was above a lot of people, not above Pierce, but definitely above Rumlow. Since Steve was also younger than a lot of the people around, this pissed people off. But their fear of the asset and how Steve just needed to send a glance to the soldier for the brunet to know what to do, kept people on their toes around him.

However, Rumlow was one of those agents who were really good at pretending that nothing the asset did could freak him out. Steve wasn't sure if it was a mask or if Rumlow actually thought so highly of himself he didn't think the asset would ever be allowed to hurt him. Or perhaps it was because Steve and Rumlow had some history together. When Rumlow was a teen he'd joined HYDRA's ranks, was a couple of years older than Steve and had also been the guy to pop Steve's man cherry. 

The fact that Steve didn't like Rumlow though, had nothing to do with their personal past, or rather how they sometimes fucked when they were both desperate enough for it. The sex was something they were both clear on, they didn't like each other, there was no relationship between them, it was just better than rutting into their own fists.

No, what Steve hated about Rumlow was how he enjoyed causing others pain. The way he fucking smirked whenever he was around to watch the asset getting wiped in that fucking chair. That, and his pissy attitude against anyone he saw as beneath himself. 

"None of your fucking business now is it Brock?" Steve asked arching his brow. 

"He smells like fucking lemons." 

"Which makes him smell hellova lot better than you. Gonna move your ugly mug or will I have to make you?" 

"You're in deep fucking water Rogers. One of these days being pretty won't be enough and your pet isn't always going to be around to prote-" 

Rumlow's threat was cut short by him making a choking sound. The gleam of metal against the bright light in the roof was rather pretty around the brunet's throat, and the way he dangled over the ground was nearly comical. Steve just smirked proudly, Buck definitely deserved sleeping in sweatpants when they had completed the mission, Steve might even throw in getting Bucky one of those blue sports drinks he seemed to love. 

Rollin's and the other agents in Rumlow's strike team had dropped what they were doing and were aiming their guns at the asset, shouting for him to stand down. Bucky though, didn't even seem to hear them, and why would he? Steve was always very clear with the brunet in that he was to follow no orders but Steve's when they were on missions. In the lab it was a different thing, but Steve's orders always took priority. 

"I don't really enjoy threats, _Brock_ , and you you know that." Steve said calmly. "Now, I would appreciate a calm mission, so I will give you a choice. Either you will speak to me with respect, or I will let him snap your neck. Touch the star on his shoulder if you accept, you have fifteen seconds." 

There was a quiet struggle from Rumlow for a few seconds. His face starting to turn into a slight reddish color and it was shifting between fury and panic. Steve counted to thirteen seconds silently in his head before Rumlow's hand found the star on the soldier's shoulder. Bucky ignored it and kept his grip firm, like a good boy, he was waiting for Steve to tell him what to do.

"Stand down soldier, you did good. Get onto the plane and wait for me by my chair, don't touch anything." Steve said simple. 

The metal fingers easily loosened their death grip of Rumlow's throat and the agent fell to his knees on the floor, gasping for air. Bucky didn't even give Rumlow a second glance, just quietly made his way into the plane as he was meant to. Steve didn't need to look to be sure the soldier actually did it though, he knew the brunet had done it. Also, Steve was too occupied appreciating the view of Rumlow on his knees gasping for air on the floor. 

Steve crouched down to have his face in the level of the brunet's and smiled when he saw the angry marks that would leave bruises for weeks. Good, it would remind the jackass every time he looked in the mirror not to mess with Steve. Might even be humble enough to let Steve top for fucking once, not that he really felt sleeping with the guy, but hey, better than his fist in case he got really fucking desperate some day.

"Now don't gimme any shit Brock. If you gimme lip one more time this mission it'll be a fuck long time til ya can move your right hand again. We clear?" 

Rumlow glared at him, gritting his teeth, probably trying to bite back something he really wanted to say. Steve just smirked at him and patted his cheek before standing back up and headed into the plane without waiting for Rumlow to reply. He'd probably pay  for it later, when Bucky was back in the ice, but for right now, he was the guy with the high cards.

As a final fuck you, he let Bucky sit in Rumlow's chair the entire trip instead of in the cargo space with the weapons where he usually would be placed. It might get him into shit with Pierce later, but it was worth it for the look of pure hate on Rumlow's face when he sat crammed up beside Rollins.

 


	3. The mission gone wrong

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve get's a death threat from Pierce and Bucky is out of the chair a bit too long. Trouble is bound to happen

The mission had been, _to no one's surprise_ , a success. 

It had begun as any other mission would always begin; by sending out the strike team to scout out when and where would be the best time to send in the asset. While Rumlow and his strike team had been gone, Steve and Bucky had remained in the safe house. The usual protocol would be to have the asset locked into his sub basement room, hidden away just in case, but Steve rarely followed those protocols when they were alone.

Instead, he'd turned on a movie for them to watch in the living room. The options had been limited since in the entire household there was only four DVD's and two of those were porn. Now, Steve didn't mind porn, when he was alone, in his room, and not sitting shoulder to shoulder with the most feared weapon in history of HYDRA and quite frankly the most gorgeous man Steve had laid eyes on.

So the choice had been between Titanic and The Grudge. Steve had picked Titanic.

Two days into their stay in Milano, Rumlow and his team had figured out when best to strike their targets and they had all set out. They always used two cars in case of complication, Steve with the asset and half the strike team in one and Rumlow and the rest of the strike team in the other. In event of exposure, Rumlow's job was to make sure their team were the ones getting caught and Steve's job to extract the soldier to a safe house. 

Steve had watched the asset as he moved out in the dark, watched how he had gone in, done his thing and come back out without complication. As always. Steve had rewarded him with a pat on the shoulder before they drove back to their shabby safe house in the suburbs. 

However, even if the mission had been smooth up until then, complications had still found them. Steve had contacted main base to let them know they were ready to return, only to be told to stay put and under no circumstance were they allowed to let the asset leave the building. The reason had been SHIELD, they were in the area, nosing around way too close for a safe extraction of the asset. 

Steve hated SHIELD more than anything. They were not only the reason for his mothers death, but he also knew that if they found out that The Winter Soldier was real, they would come for him. Steve would never let SHIELD have their bloody hands on him, never. Bucky was Steve's charge and Steve was going to keep him safe, as safe as possible anyhow. Steve wasn't blind, HYDRA wasn't treating his guy good, but at least Bucky was alive here and Steve could keep his eyes on him. 

_"You have one mission Rogers. Keep the asset contained, I don't care how  you do it, just do it. If he get's out, don't bother look for him, just start to dig your own grave."_

Now, Steve wasn't exactly unused to threats. But even he had to admit that when they came from Pierce, they were a bit concerning. When Pierce threatened people with things like that, he usually meant them, and if Steve let the asset out of the house... well, he knew he would sign his own death sentence. Thus began mission **'Keep the asset contained by all cost'**

The first few days had been easy as always. Bucky had been good and pliant and Steve had moved his bag and a mattress down to the subbasement and disposed it in a corner of the room. He had made it as comfortable as possible with just one pillow, a blanket and nothing more than his bag with a few changes of clothes and his sketchbook. 

Steve knew the walls were all enforced, he knew that once the door closed behind him, it didn't open from the inside or for anyone who didn't have high enough clearance. Steve knew that the reason why the room was entirely bare, except for Steve's stuff and the light bulb in the roof, was due to the fact that after five days away from that damned chair, the asset could get really unpredictable and hard to handle. 

And today... well, today was day seven. 

Bucky was dressed in the sweatpants and the tight tee, Steve had given him once he'd completed his mission. The brunet had slept on the floor in his own corner of the room and Steve had stayed in his corner. They hadn't talked, Steve hadn't given any orders, he hadn't asked any questions when Bucky seemed twitchy, he'd just sat there on his mattress, quietly sketching. 

His sketchbook was starting to overflow of the only thing he had to sketch in the room, Bucky. He had noticed that sometimes Bucky would drift and seem so far away with glossy eyes and he'd sketched that. Other times there would be a little furrow just up the brunet's nose between his eyebrows and Steve couldn't get enough of sketching it. 

He knew that Bucky was thinking when he got that little furrow over his nose. He also knew that it was dangerous when Bucky was thinking and he knew that he should stop Bucky from doing it. After all, what could a man robbed of the ability to make up his own thoughts and wishes think about when the option suddenly appeared? Steve sure knew what he himself would be thinking of.  _Escaping._

Steve glanced up once again from his paper to look at the brunet that was currently watching his own hands in wonder. It was as if he saw them for the very first time and Steve wondered what exactly the other was thinking about. He wondered who this man had been before he had joined HYDRA. He wondered if Pierce had lied when he said that Bucky, this James Buchanan Barnes, had volunteered to be part of this project. 

Once, when Steve had gathered the guts to ask, Pierce had said that the asset had chosen this life. Steve just wasn't sure he believed it. If the guy had chosen it, did he still want it? Had he been given the details of what would happen to him? The drugs, the wipes, the pain? Had Bucky known that this would be his life, and if he did, how could he ever have volunteered for it? Did his family know?

But those kinds of thoughts always made something dark and painful creeping and clutching at his chest. He had a feeling he knew the answer but had learned to push it all aside before they got to his head. He wouldn't be happier knowing and even if he knew that Bucky didn't want this, there was nothing he could do about it. Bucky belonged to HYDRA and Steve had no power over that, all he could do was to try to make things comfortable for the brunet whenever he could. 

A sudden soft weight to his sketchbook made him realize that he was eye to eye with stormy grey blue eyes, that the brunet was so close to his face that their breaths mingled in the silence of the room. When Steve had been deep in thought, Bucky had managed to move from his corner to where he sat now on his knees in front of Steve, leaned in on his right hand while the metal fingers were resting over Steve's sketchbook.

Steve hadn't even noticed it.

He swallowed thickly as he looked straight into Bucky's unreadable eyes. This could end really badly if he wasn't very careful with what he did. Bucky still listened to some commands if Steve tried, but far from all of them. Yesterday, Bucky had just given Steve a dirty look when Steve had told him to sit down while Steve went for food. When he had returned, Bucky had stood where Steve had left him, but he hadn't sat down. 

"Buck...?" He asked slowly, forcing his voice to keep calm, trying not to show the fear he felt.

But at the same time, Steve's heart was beating hard enough to feel like it'd jump right out of his chest at any moment now and Steve couldn't help how tense his entire body was. Like a cornered animal, Steve's body was preparing for a fight or flight reaction while Steve's brain was screaming at him to hold entirely still.

For the first time since that first day in the lab with the bodies of all those lab people scattered across the room; Steve was actually scared what the asset might do to him. 

Bucky's unreadable neutral expression turned into a glare and Steve felt the urge to run more than ever, knowing full well that there was nowhere to run. But then the glare softened into the expression of a kicked puppy and the metal fingers slipped off Steve's sketchbook and his gaze fell. Steve should have seen that as a relief but instead it felt like someone had grabbed his heart and clenched it tight.

"I know you," Bucky mumbled quietly, "y're Steve. Y'ain't like'em others, y'ain't... Steve, I..." Bucky glanced up and locked eyes with Steve again. "Please, I just wanna go home."

The look Steve got only made him want to pull the brunet close and protect him from the evils of the world. Bucky looked so lost, he looked so hurt and fuck if Steve hadn't just heard the thickest Brooklyn accent he could have ever imagined since he left Brooklyn. Bucky begging him to let him go home, Bucky, who'm Steve had never heard to have an accent before, just wanted to get home. 

"Shit Buck..." he mumbled quietly and put the sketchbook and pen away. 

"Please, Steve. Please lemme go home. Jus' lemme out." Bucky asked quietly, tears threatening in those stormy eyes. 

"Where'ya from baby? D'ya remember?" Steve asked as he placed his hands on Bucky's shoulders, trying to calm the soldier. "What d'ya remember pal?" 

"I... don't know." Bucky gasped out and Steve could swear to god, Bucky wasn't the only one with tears in his eyes. "Brooklyn... I'm from... Brooklyn. I promised Becca, said I'd get back'n she'd get my hat. Steve please, have to go get her my hat." Bucky's metal hand grasped Steve's shirt, not in a threatening way, it was the grip of a man trying to keep balance. 

"Shhh, shh baby boy. S'okay Buck." Steve mumbled and let one hand slide up to Bucky's cheek, stroking away a stray tear. "Who's Becca? D'ya remember who she is? Why she gonna get'ya hat?" 

"I don't... I don't... know. I can't-" Bucky began trembling and his voice cut off before finishing what he was about to say. 

"Hey baby boy. C'me on, s'okay, don't worry." Steve mumbled and tugged slightly where he held onto the brunet. 

Bucky went willingly with the tug, climbed straight into Steve's lap, straddling his thighs and buried his face in the crook of Steve's neck. Steve quietly stroke his hand over Bucky's back as the brunet's body began convulsing of wrecking sobs. Steve didn't care that his shirt got wet or that this was absolutely not allowed and Pierce would kill him if he ever knew. He just wanted to comfort Bucky.

He quietly began mumbling soft soothing words of comfort in Bucky's ear, soft little nothings, praising Bucky for being such a good boy and promising things would be okay. If Bucky hadn't been sobbing into Steve's shirt, he might have enjoyed the closeness, but now he was just feeling pain over how hurt Bucky was over the things he couldn't even remember. 

Steve couldn't stop himself from thinking about who this Becca might be. Was it Bucky's family? A girlfriend? A friend? Did she know where Bucky was? Had Bucky told her he'd disappear from her life forever? Did Bucky really choose this life? Steve was starting to more and more doubt that the man curled up in his lap had in any way chosen to become the asset. 

Steve wasn't sure how long they sat there. He just knew that after what felt like forever, Bucky's sobs had stopped but the brunet hadn't moved from his lap. Steve hadn't stopped stroking his hands over his back or through his long brown hair, but froze up entirely when there was the feeling of lips over his neck and shoulders.

He froze up, not because he didn't want this, no, he froze because he wanted this so bad but had no way of knowing if  it was what Bucky wanted. Could he be selfish just this once? Could he just let it all go and let this happen? 

Butterfly kisses kept being slowly delivered in a trail over his neck up towards his jaw and Steve had to bite his lower lip to stifle a moan. When Bucky finally reached his yaw line and the kisses turned into small nips, his body pliantly relaxed and his hands fell to Bucky's hips. He leaned his head back with a thump against the wall, baring his throat for Bucky to do with as he wished. 

When Bucky's lips finally found his own he couldn't help but groaning. Bucky's lips were chapped but sweet, the kiss was inquisitive but still somehow determined and when Steve made a little swipe with his tongue against Bucky's lower lip, he was granted immediate access to Bucky's hot mouth. Bucky didn't pull back as Steve slowly explored Bucky's mouth, swiping his tongue across perfect teeth and licking the roof of his mouth and Steve got lost in the feeling. 

He wasn't sure how many times he'd imagined this before, but none of his dreams beat the reality. He'd imagined Bucky wouldn't be such a good kisser and that he'd have to teach him, but somehow Bucky knew exactly how to move both lips and tongue to counter Steve's without being in the way. Steve never could have imagined how good Bucky'd taste either. Like the most delicious treat Steve had ever had and would ever have. 

The soft little whimpers and happy noises that came from Bucky was pure heaven and he was fairly sure that he was making a few sounds of his own to the other's mouth. He just couldn't help it, not right now. 

Unfortunately though, Steve's head finally managed to get caught up with his actions and he pulled away with a little gasp. Bucky  gave up an unhappy grunt, tried to push in for more but Steve quickly blocked him by crossing one arm over Bucky's chest to keep their faces parted. He was fully aware that if Bucky wanted to the soldier could have just pushed in anyway, Steve had nothing on his strength. 

"Bucky, Christ baby, just wait a moment 'kay? D'ya even know what w're doin'?" He asked, trying to ignore the way Bucky's ass pressed down over his straining prick. "Ain't sayin' it's bad and that I don' want this. I just need to know... y'know? That y'know what's going on and that you want this." 

Bucky bit his lips and cast down his eyes. Steve could have sworn he just saw a flash of embarrassment just there, then there was just the tiniest shake of Bucky's head. Steve quietly cursed himself over his own stupidity for  having allowed that kiss to even happen. He had just been so caught up in the moment, and Bucky being so good at kissing had just thrown him entirely off guard. 

"S'kay. Just, uhm. That's kissing someone, people do it when they like each other a lot." He said with a sigh. 

"Like in the movie?" Bucky mumbled and glanced back up. 

"Yeah, like Rose and Jack, they kiss cause they wanted too, cause they like each other, not cause they had to. Look baby boy, do you wanna kiss me? Or are you just doin' it cause you think you have to kiss me to make me  happy?" He asked as he gently rubbed Bucky's right arm. 

"I... don't know." Bucky mumbled and dropped his gaze back down. 

Steve put his hand to Bucky's cheek and gently guided Bucky's face back up until they  were looking at each other again. Then Steve gave a soft smile to the brunet, he needed to play this one right if he wanted to know what Bucky felt about this all. He was hyper aware this might be his only chance to know if Bucky was okay with this and Steve wanted this so much it hurt. 

"Kay, how 'bout I do this." Steve asked quietly before he leaned in and placed a soft kiss by the corner of Bucky's mouth. "Did you like it? Or do you want me not to do it again? You don't even have to tell me, just, tap twice with ya metal finger if you want me not to do something." 

Bucky glanced at his metal fingers that was currently placed against the wall beside Steve's head. Steve just kept still, waiting for Bucky to tap with his fingers or make some indication that he'd understood. Then after several slow minutes, there was a hesitant nod from Bucky and Steve's smile widened at that. 

"Good, show me how you'd do if you don't want something to be done to you." He encouraged. 

Steve knew he was in some deep shark filled waters here. He was essentially deprogramming the winter soldier into a pattern where the soldier was allowed to express his opinion on something and if he got caught... Steve wasn't even sure he'd be given the time to dig his own grave before they popped him. Bucky though, tapped his metal finger very carefully to the wall. Two little taps, two little taps that meant so much. 

"Good boy Buck. So if I do this..?" 

Steve leaned in slowly for another kiss, listening closely for any metallic tapping. But it never came, their lips met and Bucky melted against him again, the soldier's chest became a steady weight against his own. He slowly applied tongue, and still there was no tapping. He stroke his fingers in under Bucky's tee, feeling out his abs and still there was no tapping. Nothing more than Bucky making soft but yet so eager little happy noises. 

The more they kissed and explored each others mouth, the more relaxed and bold Bucky became in his lap. Once he even dared pushing back, licking over Steve's teeth. But the more relaxed Bucky got, the heavier the strain was getting over Steve's cock that had long gone from half mast to full flag, begging for attention. And since they hadn't had any problems this far, Steve slipped one hand slowly into the back of Bucky's sweatpants and squeezed his round ass. 

Bucky let out a quiet moan at that and a tiny roll of hips against Steve's own and Steve grunted loud and appreciative, happy the room was soundproof. He canted his hips upwards to feel Bucky's clothed slowly hardening erection rub against his own and squeezed again. Bucky let out another little moan and bit down on Steve's lip and Steve swore it was the sexiest thing in the world. 

But when he slipped a finger along the crack, just brushing over Bucky's entrance, the change was immediate. Bucky's entire body tensed up and the kiss they had been sharing came to an abrupt halt. Steve held entirely still, waiting for what would happen, then heard just the faintest of taps against the wall. He only heard it because the metal fingers was still placed just by his ear. 

Steve didn't hesitate as he pulled both hands away from Bucky and held them up in a pose of surrender. Bucky just stared at him with wide eyes, like if he was a deer in headlights and Steve was the car. Steve forced a careful little smile back on his lips, he wouldn't do any good scaring the brunet in his lap. Instead he carefully leaned in and pecked the corner of his mouth. 

"S'okay baby boy. That's good. You didn't want me to do it so I won't. Y're so good telling me when you don't want it baby. Such a good boy for letting me know." He mumbled softly and kept placing careful kisses over Bucky's cheek and over the shell of his ear. "I'm not mad, you did really good and I'm proud of you." 

Bucky slowly softened up to the kisses and Steve slowly let his hands rest safely on the brunet's hips, making sure not to lower them. The mood was entirely changed though, Steve wasn't interested in sex and neither was the soldier. He was disgusted that Bucky was freaked out to say no to having something shoved up his ass. That someone must have done that to him without his consent...

When Bucky finally was back, melted against him, Steve slipped them down on the mattress and pulled the covers over them both, keeping Bucky close to his chest and the brunet seemed to be content just lay close to Steve. They didn't talk and it didn't take long until Steve felt Bucky's breath even out against his neck as the soldier fell asleep.

Steve didn't fall asleep though. Instead he placed a few more kisses into the brown tresses that needed to be washed, and stroke his hand slowly over Bucky's back, rubbing soft soothing circles that he hoped were a comfort.

"I wish things were different baby... one day I'll get you home. I promise."

And Steve intended to keep that promise, if it so was the last thing he ever did, Bucky'd be free.


	4. The chair

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky is taken back to the base, Steve isn't happy to see his best pal forget. Everyone hurt.

The first thought to run through Steve's sleep addled mind when he woke up that morning; was that he really didn't want to be awake. In fact, he had no idea why he was awake in the first place and he refused even the thought about opening his eyes to begin his day. In hope of being able to just slip back to dreamland, he laid there motionless and kept his breathing as steady as he could. 

The reason as to why he really didn't want to get up was that he'd been having a really nice dream.

In the dream, he had been played out on some tropical beach, and the winter soldier had been bouncing eagerly up and down on his cock in all naked glory. His brown long hair had been damp from the swim they'd just had and drips of water had been sliding down along the silver chrome of his metal arm until it made little puddles on Steve's chest where the metal hand was resting.

Unfortunately for Steve though, something soft was repeatedly pressing against his face. He swore to fucking god that if this was Roy's cat that had sneaked into his damn room again, Steve would shoot him. Not the cat of course, Steve didn't hurt animals, they didn't really know what they weren't allowed to do or not. But he'd fucking shoot Roy. Probably in the ass, that fucker wouldn't sit comfortable for months and that was a fair retribution for disturbing Steve's sex dreams.

He let out a tired groan and made an effort to push the goddamn cat off his face, only to get a fist full of long hair that damn sure didn't belong to a short haired cat. He also simultaneously noted that something heavy was pinning his hips down and in in a flash, yesterday came rushing back to him. Bucky being out of the chair too long, Bucky snapping out of so much of his programming, Bucky kissing him, Bucky with a gorgeous Brooklyn accent. 

_Shit!_  He had  **deprogrammed** The winter soldier. He had deprogrammed HYDRA's most valued asset and Steve was a dead man if any of this ever came out.

Eyes snapping open in an instant, he stared wildly up at the man on top of him. Sure enough, the winter soldier was straddling his hips, leaned down over him while placing tiny little kisses across Steve's face. The kisses stopped though when Steve opened his eyes and those stormy eyes locked with his own. The usual vacant stare was replaced with the life and energy of a man much younger and less damaged. 

Bucky gave a small pleased sound before leaning back in to keep delivering butterfly kisses against Steve's face and Steve just sighed closing his eyes again. His hand remained tangled in the brown tresses and his body just relaxed pliantly to the attention he was given. It was clear what had woken it up and in difference from Roy's cat, Steve enjoyed waking up by Bucky. 

The thing he had with Rumlow had always been bites, bruises force and dominance. Sure, Steve could appreciate that too, but sometimes a guy just needed this. Sometimes a guy just needed his best guy in the world to wake him up with soft little kisses and gentle touches. Even if said guy was the most feared assassin in the world and if anyone got to know about any of this Steve was a dead man. 

Even if he was potentially a dead man, all Steve could do was smile.

If he died, he'd die knowing that Bucky was kissing him by choice. He'd been pretty sure they were kissing by choice yesterday too, but now was different. Steve had been asleep when the soldier that currently straddled his hips began kissing all over his face. If Bucky had just been kissing Steve to please him, then the brunet wouldn't have done it when Steve wasn't awake. 

"Feels good Buck." Steve hummed and slid his hands down over Bucky's sides until they stopped at his hips. "Gonna gimme one on the lips too?"

Bucky looked at him, gave a fucking cheeky grin before leaning in and put his lips on Steve's own. Christ, Steve knew it'd be fucking hell to see Bucky get back into the chair, to know he'd loose everything. It would be hell to see this lively sparkling guy, reduced back to that empty shell. Steve wanted Bucky to always be like this, all smiles and kisses. But he knew that'd never happen as long as they were both still in HYDRA. 

_So maybe they should leave. Maybe he should just grab Bucky's hand and run away as soon as the door opened._

But, no. He didn't have a clue about how to leave HYDRA, he didn't know how to possibly escape with Bucky and he had no idea how they would keep hidden if they managed to get away. Even if they managed to escape and hide, what would they do? They couldn't live on nothing, they needed money, a place to live and Steve still needed to find the one that had killed his ma so he could kill them back. 

No, what Steve needed was time. Time, a good plan and cash. He would continue as always, find out who exactly killed his ma, get cash and find a place they could go to. Then he'd take Bucky and they would run. That time would come, but it wasn't today. 

As they laid there kissing, Steve heard the very faint sound of people moving around above their heads, more people than just their on site strike team. He hadn't heard any shots being fired, no signs of struggle and no emergency alarms. Which meant, they weren't under attack, but Steve could guess who the people up there was. Since the asset had been out of the chair so long, main base would simply assume that he'd gone volatile, which meant that a special team armed with stun guns and tranquilizers was there to take him down and drag him back to base. 

Steve quickly pushed Bucky upwards to end the kiss. He didn't need people see him kiss the asset, didn't want them to think he slept with the asset, or rather, Steve didn't want anyone to know he had feelings for the brunet. If they knew that, then it was bye, bye Bucky forever because HYDRA would get a new handler for the guy. It wouldn't matter that Steve was the best handler around, no one was allowed to have feelings for the asset.

"Get up and strip. We need to get you into your gear." He said and Bucky huffed and sent Steve a glare, clearly not happy about the development of the situation. Steve nudged his side with a frown of his own. "None of that. Be a good boy and do what I say and I'll make sure they won't hurt you." 

Bucky looked at him and the little furrow between Bucky's brows appeared again as the soldier was thinking things through. Steve sighed and leaned his head back against the mattress to let the other think it through. Unfortunately though, they didn't have a lot of time and when Bucky's thought process began taking a bit too much of their time, Steve pinched his hip.

Bucky glared at him again for the trouble but  pushed himself up and slowly began to strip down to just his boxers. 

Steve didn't waste any time himself either and easily  stripped down and changed to his own black cargo pants and the green tight t-shirt before gathering up all of Bucky's gear. All the while he was aware that Bucky was glaring death at him and he sighed deeply when Bucky refused to put his foot into his pants. Christ it was like working with a moping five year old. 

He sighed and stood back up from where he'd been kneeling on the floor, trying to get Bucky to move his foot. He looked into Bucky's eyes then surged in and smacked their lips together. Bucky took about two seconds before he melted into the kiss and when Steve pulled back again, the frown was replaced by an adorable innocent puppy  look. 

"Christ, Buck. Just please do what I say? I don't want'em to hurt you okay? Gonna step into your clothes for me now?"  Bucky gave a sheepish little nod and Steve just rolled his eyes. "Jerk."

"Punk." Bucky rasped back and Steve eyed him with narrowed eyes. 

"Y're pushing it pal." Steve warned, Bucky just smiled.

By the time the door opened and fifteen armed men stormed into the room, Steve had planted a very quick last kiss on Bucky's lips and was carefully strapping the mask on place while keeping the hair out of the way. He ignored the people around him because they weren't a threat and he easily pushed Bucky's metal arm back down when it had moved to Steve's hip where a hidden knife rested in his pants. 

"Rogers? What you do alive?" The voice belonged to Demyan. His thick Russian accent made it impossible to mistake him. "Rumlow informed us you dead. What happen?" 

Steve took his time to make sure the mask sat properly on place before turning his back on the soldier to look at the agents holding their weapons aimed at the brunet. If they had gotten here yesterday morning, before all the kisses, before Steve found out that Bucky seemed to like him, he wouldn't have dared turn his back on the guy. Now though... well, he knew Bucky wouldn't hurt him. 

"What happened is that I did my fucking job. I'm the handler of the asset, so I handled him. Now stop being useless and get me his goggles, they're upstairs somewhere." Steve said easily as he moved over to pack down his sketchbook. 

Demyan just stared for a moment before ordering one of his men to go and fetch the goggles. When the agent came back, Steve put them on, patted Bucky's cheek over the mask and told him he was a good boy. Bucky being a really good boy, didn't react, just stood still until Steve moved out to the car, then he followed loyal as ever. 

No one really talked the entire trip back to base but Steve didn't mind. The silence gave him time to begin shaping up a plan. 

* * *

Steve knew the asset's procedure like he knew the back of his own hand. The winter soldier would be woken up, wiped, told some Russian words and then be given to him. They would do their mission, then the asset would again be wiped and put back into the ice for next assignment. Steve had seen it happen a total of thirteen times, and he still felt like shit every time it happened. 

This time though... it was fucking torture. 

The asset, stripped down in just his pants had at first refused to sit down in the chair. When they had tried to use bodily force to press him into the chair, unsurprisingly to Steve, people had gotten hurt. He had broken the arm of one scientist, cracked ribs on several different agents and Rumlow's nose was bleeding heavily where Bucky had managed to get in a precise blow. 

They had been given no choice but to shoot him with a tranquilizer to be able to press him down in the chair. But they couldn't complete the procedure when the asset was out of it, so they'd been forced to wait until he woke back up to be able to start the process. However, the moment the asset had woken up, he'd spat out the bite guard and snapped his mouth closed. 

Right now, Steve was watching as two scientists were trying to pry Bucky's mouth open by pressing way too hard to Bucky's jawline. He had to fight himself not to get worked up and shoot them both for obviously causing his Bucky so much pain. What finally was the drop that made the cup spill over was when Bucky's metal fingers began tapping where his hand was strapped down on the arm of the chair. 

"Will you cut it the fuck out!" He snapped harshly as he moved forwards and grabbed one of the scientists by the back of his white coat and pulled him back. It was the same guy that had been a little twat when Steve came to retrieve Bucky in the first place. "He won't open his mouth that way, so just back the fuck off." Steve growled out. 

"We know you love your little pet, but we have a job to do." 

"So do I, he's my charge. I'll do it before you damage something." 

"Let me go Rogers, this isn't your lab and you handed over the asset to us the moment you stepped in here." 

"And soon you won't have any fingers because he'll bite them off. Now back the fuck off and lemme deal with it." Steve growled low through gritted teeth. 

The scientist looked honestly pissed as he glared at Steve. Then he pulled away from Steve and crossed his arms tightly over his chest, Steve could see the upcoming shouting about how it wasn't Steve's place to order anyone to do anything in the lab. The other scientist however, a young man that most likely had just started working there, jumped back with a loud startled cry. Steve heard the clicking of teeth but there was no blood so he guessed the kid had been lucky. 

The kid just went past his superior and placed the bite guard in Steve's hand without a word. The kid was pale and his hands were shaking and Steve gave him an approving smile and a little nod. The older scientist just kept glaring at Steve as if he was something incredibly disgusting that he'd found under his shoe or something. 

"Fine. But Pierce will hear about this." The scientist finally hissed out. 

Steve just sighed and moved over to Bucky, grabbed the nearby stool with wheels and sat beside Bucky on his left side. Bucky looked at him with a sad kicked puppy look and Steve felt his heart breaking in his chest. Why was he even helping these people make Bucky forget? Bucky didn't want to forget, Bucky'd fought really hard to be allowed to... be what and who he was right now. 

"I know it hurts baby boy, kay? But it's just for a lil while, then you won't even remember it hurt." Steve began quietly and slipped his hand into Bucky's metal one. Bucky closed the gesture by lacing their fingers together. "When ya wake back up from the ice, I'll get ya one of those bath bombs okay? You know, one of those that foam and turn the water funny colors, and you get to stay there for as long as you want. Sounds good?" 

Bucky gave a tiny little nod and Steve breathed out a sigh in relief.

"All you have to do is to be a good boy for me now okay? Open your mouth and bite onto this. That's all you have to do." Steve promised. 

Bucky looked at him, then the little furrow between his brows appeared again as he clearly was thinking again. Steve smiled slightly and kept the bite guard in his free hand, waiting for Bucky to finish his thought process. He knew that everyone around them was watching, that they most likely were pissy over that he was taking so long time, but Steve didn't care. He would get Bucky to bite down on the thing, but it'd take some time. 

"Vanilla..?" Bucky finally rasped out. It was a carefully put question, not a demand. 

"Yeah, we can do that. Vanilla and Blackberry, you like that. We had it in your hair last year."

Bucky sighed deeply and looked down, squeezing Steve's hand slightly, then looked back at Steve and loyally opened his mouth. Steve quietly thanked god for that miracle and carefully slid the bite guard into Bucky's mouth. He shifted it around a little until it was placed right and stroke away some hair from Bucky's face before getting up. 

"Good boy. I'll be right here when you wake back up." He promised.

He slipped his hand from Bucky's and tried not to see the way Bucky swallowed hard, how his hands balled up to fists. He tried not to see how Bucky's entire body was bouncing between tense to forcibly relaxed and back to tense. He tried not to see how scared Bucky looked for the pain that they all knew were coming. Steve tried not to show his anger or his hurt even if those emotions were a raging storm inside of him. 

When the machine began buzzing as it powered up Steve turned his back to walk away. He didn't want to hear this, he wasn't sure he'd be able to control himself if he did. He only stopped once, beside the jerk of a scientist. 

"I know y're new. But don't you ever fucking hurt him again, because if you do... I will paint the walls with your brain. Got me?" 

"Careful, Rogers. Your precious _baby boy_ ,  isn't going to be around to do your dirty work and Pierce-" 

"I would shoot you myself. I would shoot you but make sure it looks like you shot yourself. No one would guess it was me, no one would question your death. I've watched that guy for years, trust me when I say I know how to fake a suicide."

The scientist swallowed hard and Steve gave a quick nod. Just as Steve reached the door, the room was filled of Bucky's pained screaming. Steve tensed up, for a moment ready to turn around and kill everyone in the room and get Bucky out. But instead, he closed his eyes, took a few more steps and let the door fall close behind him, cutting off all sounds. 

Steve really hated that chair. 


	5. The secret

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve hear some things he shouldn't and makes a decision.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry about the lateness! I've just bought a puppy (a shih tzu named Bucky) and he takes up most of my time so I only get like an hour or two a day to write whenever he's napping. 
> 
> Alas, as you can see, this chap is a bit longer to make up for my lateness! I hope you'll enjoy, and thank you so much for reading even if I'm crap at updating!

It had been five years to the day since Steven Grant Rogers had seen the man hidden under the layers of the winter soldier; really seen him. 

He was twenty-six years old, and it had been five years since he had began using kisses as a reward system for the most dangerous weapon in the world. It had been five years since Steven Grant Rogers had entered a secret relationship with a man he only got to see a few times a year, a man that would never remember him the next time they met, over and over and over again.

Some may see that as tragic, a desperate act from a pathetic, lonely man who wanted someone so badly that he took anyone, anyone who didn't even remember him. Anyone that wasn't even fully human; not anymore. But that wasn't how Steve saw it. What Steve saw each time Bucky woke up was a broken shell of a man that needed all of Steve's help to tear down his walls to be able to get back to the person he'd once been.

Each and every time Bucky came out of the ice, Steve would help him get back some of his humanity again.

Sometimes when Bucky woke up, it really got to his head. It would hurt whenever Bucky wouldn't remember him, after finally coming back to him and there was just nothing in his eyes. But Steve would never give up hope, he loved Bucky of all his heart and he would keep loving him no matter what happened. No matter how many times Bucky forgot him; _Steve would always love him_. 

Unfortunately his affection for the asset must have been more noticeable than Steve'd have hoped.

During the years, Steve had noticed the increased irritation radiating from HYDRA's top staff whenever he had the asset out for missions. He noticed that people were keeping their eyes on him rather than the asset, and it fed a growing feeling of danger deep down in his guts. A feeling that grew just a little bit more every day, warning him that something was going to happen.

He didn't know when it would happen, he didn't know by who'm. He just knew that something was stirring in the dark and it was coming for him, probably with guns. 

The last month, things had gotten worse than ever. He'd noticed how Rumlow got that confident smirk every time they were in the same room. A couple of years ago, that would have meant a possible invite to his bedroom, but ever since the time Steve nearly let Bucky strangle the asshole, Rumlow had been nothing but hateful towards him.

So the change in the leader of the strike team was a lot more unnerving than Steve was comfortable with. He had the feeling that one of these days Rumlow would stick a knife in his back and not just figuratively.

Rumlow's behavior made Steve's paranoia worse, more so than it had been before. It had gone so far that Steve had began hitting the gym at night hours just so he wouldn't have to keep his eyes open and alert at all times. He also asked for the night missions and worked as many nights away from both the base and the Strike team as he possibly could.

This night he'd hit the gym early, or rather, early for him since it had still been late enough for it to be nearly empty (in exception for an agent that was having way too loud music in his earphones). And That gave Steve the chance he needed to focus on letting out all of his energy instead of just a portion of it. Which he was in desperate need of tonight since earlier that day he'd been told that he'd have to help out with the newest recruits down by the shooting range the next day.

It wouldn't have been that bad had it just been like any other training session. In truth, Steve didn't mind the new agents at all; they weren't nestled into all the secrecy of HYDRA or had any secret plots against him or any grudge over how he handled the winter soldier. Mostly because they didn't know the soldier even existed.

However, tomorrow, he was going to have to do it together with the strike team, working side by side with Rumlow. 

After a hard workout, including breaking a punching bag by hitting it too hard and a quick cold shower, he got changed into his standard black cargo pants and the dark blue tee that told people he was the handler of the asset (Regular agents had standard black or white shirts). Then he headed down towards the labs where he had his night duty.

It wasn't an eventful part of the job since nothing ever happened in the labs at nights, but it kept him away from Rumlow for a few more hours. The labs didn't even need to have guards in them at daytime either, the scientists and mechanics were all picked with care for their loyalty and respect of HYDRA, and they wouldn't do anything stupid.

But Pierce claimed that it was important for them to obtain a presence in the labs anyway. Steve knew why, along with the rest of the base even if it wasn't ever said out loud, speaking aloud about things like that was practically the equivalent of painting a bullseye to your chest. But everyone still knew that Pierce wanted to keep everyone on their toes, he wanted everyone to know they were replaceable and that HYDRA didn't pull away from killing off their own if felt  as if their loyalty were questionable.

As Steve passed Pierce's office, he noticed the lights were on and the door not properly shut. At this hour of the day, that was definitely an abnormality since Pierce didn't spend much time at the base, especially not night time. He had a really fancy house and an important infiltration job, deeply nestled into SHIELD's business which took most of his time. Many of the times when he personally needed the asset for a mission, Bucky would get his orders directly from Pierce's home.

Had Steve been an ordinary agent, maybe he'd just passed and pretended he'd seen nothing, to avoid getting into trouble for eavesdropping on his boss. But Steve wasn't an ordinary agent and he sure as hell wasn't about to give up an opportunity to learn more about the leading member of HYDRA. Also, if he'd find that there wasn't anyone in there at all, he could snoop around a little for Bucky's files. 

But as he edged closer to the door, he could clearly hear voices, deep in a conversation. One of the voices belonged to Pierce, the other was the soldier's main retainer, the third was the chief scientist and the last computerized voice came from Dr Zola. Steve knew that even with his level of stupidity, he should have left quickly before they could hear him, but he couldn't because he'd just heard his own name in the conversation. 

"Rogers is posing problem. The soldier would not listen me if Rogers same room." The Russian retainer with the terrible accent said in clear disapproval. 

"He's the best handler we've had. The asset is pliant for a far longer stretch of time out of the ice under Rogers administrations and that makes wipes easier." 

"There is no surprise the asset listen to Agent Rogers. Sergeant Barnes had a history of enjoying blondes. I recall footage of him by the time he became Captain America, there was always a blond by his side and, not always were they women." the computerized voice of Zola said.

Steve shivered by the creepy computer voice. He'd even spoken to the computer man once or twice, but he still couldn't shake the shivers that always ran through him whenever he heard that voice. But what was more interesting than a computerized man, was the fact that it had just called the soldier for sergeant Barnes and Captain America. Even Steve knew a thing or two about captain america, he'd read the comics when he was a kid and his ma was still alive. 

"So what you saying, Doctor, is that soldier follow Rogers because he has... what you call it? безрассудная страсть." 

"Yes, he was quite the ladies man both before and during the war. We cannot take what come natural from him, we can only suppress and add our own patterns into his brain. But in the basic, the winter soldier is still, and will always be Sergeant James Barnes." 

"Then we kill Rogers before he get any ideas. He already have too many of those."

Steve was frozen to the floor by the ease of which Pierce said those words. Even if he'd wanted to run away now he couldn't, every muscle in his body seemed to have turned into lead. He wasn't overly fond of Pierce and he knew that the older was a cruel man, but he'd always thought that if there was someone who wanted him to still be around because he was a good handler, it would have been Pierce. But apparently, Steve had been wrong. 

"Shouldn't we find a compatible handler before..." The scientist began slowly. 

"Agent Rogers may just be a handler, but he's intelligent. There was a reason why we took him in, and it's just a matter of time until he realize that we are the ones who killed his mother and not SHIELD. The day he does, I don't want the asset to stand by his side. No. We will use the asset in a week, for a mission in Algeria, Agent Rogers will lose his life in an accident at the shooting range tomorrow morning. It is already arranged."

Finally Steve's legs seemed to have regained their ability of movement and he managed to back away quietly from the door. He was in shock, there was so much spinning in his head; firstly, HYDRA had killed his ma... killed her and blamed SHIELD. Secondly; Bucky had once been Captain America before HYDRA had gotten their hands on him in some way. Thirdly; they were planning on killing Steve because Bucky was too loyal to him and HYDRA was scared of what they might do... 

In a matter of seconds, his mind was set. He knew he needed to get the hell out of there before the sun went up and he knew that he was taking Bucky with him. Luckily in the past five years, Steve had been slowly shaping a plan of escape, one that wasn't even close to done, but he didn't have time to wait to finish it. The basics of the plan was to  thaw Bucky and run. It would take from thirty to fifty minutes to thaw him and gather weapons. Another twenty to thirty to gather food and clothes and they had just a little under two hours to do it.

Without further philosophical debate with himself, Steve picked up a quick pace down the hall without taking into a run. He knew what corridors and corners were equipped with security cameras and he knew he couldn't get caught running in one of those. Anyone who acted suspicious according to one of Zola's algorithms in the cameras got checked out by security, and Steve didn't have time for that right now. 

Senior personals personal quarters were free of camera's, along with the bathrooms and the gym. Everything else on base were heavily guarded by the 0653 Algorithm, created to notice changes in staff around the base and send a guard their way before trouble could arise. This meant that no one had to sit watching the cameras and less mistakes were made. But also for someone who had grown up with the program, it was a good way to escape.

Steve didn't have to spend a very long time on packing his things when he reached his room. It had been quite some time since he'd packed down most of his essentials into a duffel bag that waited for him hidden in his closet. He just needed to pack some extra civilian clothes, his sketchbook, the bundles of cash he'd managed to save up, all guns and knives he had in his room and other little odds and ends. 

The most important thing he owned was already packed safely in a hidden inner pocket of his bag. It was a gold chain with two rings hanging from it. His ma had given it to him that night when she told him that his pops wouldn't come back home again because he was gone. It was the only thing he had left from his parents and he couldn't stand the thought of ever parting with it.

Especially not to the people that had killed his ma, something that Steve was still trying to come to terms with. It just didn't want to sink in, that the people who had raised him after his ma, the people who'd taught him everything, the people who'd helped him lose his heart condition and health problems... had lied to him all this time. That they were the ones who killed his ma and blamed SHIELD.

Most of all, Steve couldn't believe he had fallen for the lie for this long.

He shook his head and pressed down three cans of soup into the duffel bag before zipping it shut and leaving his room. He didn't have time to figure out how HYDRA had managed to keep him in the dark for so long right now, that was for a later date if there was one. Now, he had to get down to Bucky's cryo chamber, wake the soldier up, get to the armory and grab whatever weapons they could both carry, then he needed to get a car from the garage and get the hell off base before anyone realized he was up to no good. 

If anyone saw him that wasn't the Strike team or any of the people who'd been in Pierce's office; Steve would just tell them he was going on a mission if they asked. They wouldn't question him about it further. They all knew the last agent who'd stopped Steve Rogers with stupid questions had got their arm broken and a couple of cracked ribs, even without the asset, Steve had become quite the force to be reckoned with.

When he reached the room where they stored the soldier it was dark and unguarded. HYDRA just assumed no one on base could pass Zola's algorithm and still be stupid enough to try wake up the asset from his icy sleep. Even if they did, the door would shut automatically if the wrong code was used or if the cameras saw the asset go rouge on a killing spree. 

Not everyone knew that there was a string of words that needed to be said before the asset was operational and even fewer knew how to pronounce them in quick enough succession not to get mauled by him. Steve knew them of course, he had been the handler of the asset for years and knew most, to all of Bucky's safe words and had been taught Russian since he was ten. 

Steve, though, wasn't like most people around base, he didn't need the words to be able to control the soldier. Especially not when Steve offered him things like baths, proper food, comfortable clothes and kisses in return for the brunet's obedience. If Bucky came nice and easy this time, Steve could offer him a new thing, the choice to never forget again, a chance to get home. 

Steve wasn't stupid though, he was always ready to say the words whenever they woke the asset up, Sputnik always laid on his tongue whenever he was out in the field. Because it had happened once or twice before that Bucky hadn't recognized him and it had all gone down to hell. It was very rare that it happened, but still, it had and Steve wasn't suicidal. 

Steve quietly made his way over to Bucky's cryo tank and stroke his fingers carefully over the round glass window that displayed the soldier in his prison. He was beautiful like this, icy crystals covering his face and clung to his dark brown tresses. Bucky looked like if he was asleep, an eternal sleep that would keep him like this forever, young, strong and handsome. 

But Steve didn't have time to stand here and admire Bucky in his prison of ice, they were on a tight schedule and he needed to make another stop in the soldier's armory. All of Bucky's weapons and gear were in the conjoined room with this, the good thing for Steve, was that it too was unguarded since it only opened when the thawing process had begun. 

Steve pressed in his personal code, started up the thawing session and then made his way to the armory and packed pretty much everything from lockpicks to explosives into another duffel bag. He was damn happy that he'd done this so many times before so he knew exactly  what to pack and what parts went with which rifle. He also packed Bucky's combat gear into the bag, he couldn't let Bucky wear those on their way out, people would recognize him too easily. 

The whole process took just under fifty minutes; gathering Bucky's stuff, lay out his clothes in typical mission pile and wait for the cryostasis chamber to click and whir to tell him the thawing process was done with.

When Steve pulled the door open, Bucky was slouched down against the further wall, still half out of consciousness. Icy crystals still latched to his dark hair and his entire body shivering from the cold. Steve had understood quite early on when he got to learn about the asset, that the cold went all the way down to his bones and that's why he loved hot baths.

This wasn't unusual behavior though, it was what happened each time the soldier was taken out; being in the ice took it's toll but Bucky was quick at bouncing back. But just because Steve had seen it before and knew that it was normal, didn't mean that he enjoyed seeing Bucky in that state. Nor did they actually have time for this since they were still on a very tight schedule that didn't care about ice or pain. 

"C'me on baby boy, I really need you to start moving real soon, Buck. Do you remember me, gorgeous?" He said as he leaned in and stroke his thumb over Bucky's cheek. 

The brunet opened his eyes with a drowsy look and Steve's heart shattered another fraction over the emptiness in them. There was no recognition of Steve whatsoever, no glimpse of his Bucky... but there would be. Bucky always came back, he just needed a little time and some encouragement. 

Steve planted a soft kiss to the brunet's forehead before he wrapped his arms around the soldier and bodily dragged and hoisted him up on his own two feet. Bucky in return automatically wrapped his metal arm around Steve's shoulder and tried his very best to be able to stand on his own. It wasn't easy, and even if Steve was firmly keeping him upright, Bucky was still wobbly and leaned too much weight on Steve. 

"Bucky, baby boy, sweetheart, I need you to focus, we're going on a mission and we can't fail. Understood?" 

There was a noncommittal grunt from the brunet, but Steve could feel the soldier in his arms make a renewed effort to actually help out. Steve quickly began to mumble soft little words and praises in the other's ear as they struggled to get to a standing position. Steve was trying not to notice how the minutes were just draining away quicker than life and how their window of escape was getting smaller and smaller. 

"You gonna be a good boy and listen to me, baby? Or do I need to use your words?" He asked with a kiss to Bucky's cheek once Bucky could stand mostly on his own, only leaning one hand to the wall for support. 

"готовы соблюдать" 

"Good boy. Do you remember me?" 

"You are my handler, sir." 

Steve cringed slightly, he hated basic settings. Everyone in the assets world were either targets, sir, ma'am or handler, there was no names, no nicknames, because the asset was a thing and things didn't get to know what real people were called. Or at least that's how HYDRA saw it. Steve didn't see Bucky as a thing, Bucky was a person who got his head messed with on a regular basis. 

"It's Steve, and you are Bucky. Remember?" 

"Steve." Bucky mirrored slowly, as if testing the name out. 

"Yeah, Steve. But we have to go now, Buck. We're on an training exercise in stealth. Our mission is to get out of here, find a decent hiding spot and not get detected. Failure is not and option, time frame: indefinite." 

The soldier looked at him with those empty stormy eyes as if he was figuring out the lie and Steve tensed up slightly. This wasn't his Bucky, this was the soldier, loyal to HYDRA with no memory of him yet. He hadn't been configured in the chair or with his words and that made his actions unpredictable to say the least. 

"Did I make myself clear? Or do I have to abort mission to drag you to the chair myself?" He asked coldly and fixed the brunet with a warning stare. 

The soldier quickly looked to the floor, hung his head and let his shoulders slump down. "Ready to comply, Steve." He said loyally as ever and Steve breathed out in relief and thanked god for small miracles. 

"Good, Buck." Steve praised and took a step forwards and put his fingers under Bucky's chin to tilt it up. 

Bucky's eyes didn't lock with his own, they glanced to the floor somewhere to their right, but he didn't pull his head away. Steve just sighed and leaned in, pressing his lips against Bucky's dry ones gently and put his free hand on Bucky's hip, rubbing soft circles. If he'd had his eyes open, he'd have seen Bucky's eyes snap up towards him and the spark of recognition in them, but Steve was a sucker for Bucky's kisses and always closed his eyes tight. 

What he did notice though, was how Bucky's lips carefully moved back against his own, and how the soldier pressed his frame towards Steve's just the slightest. And that was all Steve needed to know to know that they were ready to go. Bucky would listen to him and Steve wouldn't have to worry about an unstable soldier that would ignore his commands and get them both caught or killed. At least not right now.

"That's my Bucky." Steve mumbled as he pulled away from the kiss. "Will you be good for me?" 

"Yes, Steve." Was the loyal reply, now more earnest than before. 

Steve nodded and kissed him again swiftly before he quickly went to work on undressing Bucky from the damp clothes he was wearing and into the jeans, tee, hoodie and sneakers that belonged to Steve. It was odd seeing Bucky in civilian clothes; except for sweatpants and t-shirts to sleep in, Steve had only ever seen the brunet in his combat gear.

He wouldn't lie though, the combat gear made Bucky look really hot, but there was just something really arousing with seeing Bucky in jeans. Maybe it was because Bucky looked more like a person like this... or maybe it simply was because Steve was slightly slimmer than Bucky and Bucky's ass looked terrific in tight jeans. If he'd given it more thought he'd probably vote for the second option.

It wasn't entirely a surprise that everything was smooth sailing when they left the cryo room. The winter solder was after all known, or rather, not known at all for his stealth abilities. He knew how to blend in, how to vanish into the shadows and keep unseen. And working for so many years with the soldier, Steve had learned these things as well.

He wasn't as good as Bucky, but then again, no one would ever be as good as Bucky. 

Since Steve knew where all keys were kept and what codes worked where, they managed to get to the garage without complications. Bucky easily jumped into the backseat of a black jeep and their packing was thrown in together with him. In case they'd have needed to shoot their way out, it was best to keep the weapons with the man who literary knew them better than he knew his own name. 

Not that they needed to shoot anyone though, Steve knew the code to the garage door and Bucky dove down on the floor when they passed the two security guards on their way out. Steve told them that he'd been sent out by Pierce and if they didn't believe him they could take it up with him, because he sure as hell wouldn't bother the boss for something so trivial at this time of the late night/early morning. 

The two guards shared Steve's sentiment and Steve could drive away without having having to so much as shoot off a single bullet. If only the two guards had known that they just had let out the most expensive and valued project in the history of HYDRA... Well, Steve wouldn't want to be in their shoes when someone finally noticed that the winter soldier was gone. 

It wasn't until about two hours into their escape that Steve actually realized what he had done, that they were in a car with no goal other than getting away. There was no safe houses for him and Bucky, no backup plans, no one that would take them in.

They were free, but they were hunted by the world, he just hoped they could survive the week out. 


	6. Chapter two: The new beginning

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bucky reflects over the situation and Steve goes grocery shopping.

This mission was confusing and unclear; never before could the asset recall having so few instructions and directions as he had with this mission. Of course, he wasn't able to recall much at all, so maybe this wasn't so uncommon as his few memories made it out to be. There was also the fact that this was a training mission and perhaps they were testing him and his ability of handling muddy instructions.

It had all begun when his handler... no, his handler didn't like to be called handler, he wanted to be called Steve. Anyhow, it had begun with handler Steve taking him out from the ice. There hadn't been any scientists, any tests, no chair and no words. Just handler Steve, telling him that they were on a stealth escape mission, handler Steve pressing his lips against his own, telling them this was all just a practice. 

The asset had been hesitant, it had felt... wrong, as if handler Steve was making him do something they shouldn't. But then Steve had pressed his lips against his own again and he had remembered. He had remembered that he trusted handler Steve because handler Steve was good to him, gave him things and cared for him. Handler Steve didn't like to see him hurt and the asset would always protect handler Steve; from anyone. 

Handler Steve had also given him something important. He'd given him a name, Bucky.

Handler Steve didn't call him the asset or the soldier, always Bucky and Bucky enjoyed that. Handler Steve gave him a name, things didn't have names, not like people, and yet handler Steve had given him a name. Sometimes, he wondered if that meant that Bucky was a person for Steve... he didn't know, but he liked to think that he was.

But, he knew he wasn't supposed to enjoy or like anything. For one, he wasn't a person, he was a thing and things didn't enjoy or like other things. Secondly, the things he enjoyed always would be taken away from him. HYDRA knew the importance of staying objective and if the asset enjoyed things, he could get distracted which could end up in failing his missions.

But handler Steve was smart, he only used Bucky's name whenever they were alone and no one else could hear them. And no one would actually know if the asset liked to think of himself as Bucky, (which he did). They could only take things away from his head, they couldn't see what they took away. Or that's what he thought anyhow.

The past four days, him and handler Steve had stolen several different cars, put miles upon miles behind them and walked until even Bucky had started to feel the strain of exhaustion in his body. They had napped and eaten in the car, handler Steve had given him real food, made for people. He'd gotten an entire can for himself, but hadn't let him eat it all at once. Handler Steve had stopped him every now and then and told him he didn't want Bucky to throw up. 

Bucky hadn't questioned, he'd stopped when he'd been told to stop even if his stomach was begging him to down the entire can in one go. It wasn't his place to break handler Steve's orders, and he knew handler Steve only wanted what was best for him. Besides, when Steve had forgotten to tell him once, he had really felt nauseous and it was by pure willpower to not make handler Steve upset that he'd managed not to throw up. 

Yesterday in the middle of the night, about ten hours ago, they had arrived by foot to this rundown apartment. Bucky knew they were in Detroit but had no clue of where they were in Detroit. The apartment was small, one bedroom, a kitchen that double served as a stakeout room. If Bucky stood by the window, he could see the entire street up and down without a problem.

He had counted five escape routes, two of which he'd have to abandon handler Steve because the drops would either kill or injure Steve no matter how Bucky made them jump. Since this was a practice and not an actual mission, he knew he wasn't allowed to get his handler killed, not that he wanted to either. But yet so far, they hadn't needed either of the escape routes and Bucky had seen no sign of any agents finding or following them.

Not that he had a view over the street right now though. He was standing in the middle of the room, looking at the door where Steve had left some hours ago. His back and shoulder had began aching the way it always did when he stood too long without moving his left arm. His feet were getting cold since his boots still stood in the bedroom by the bed and his ear had been itching for the better part of the hour by now. 

But he didn't move. 

Handler Steve had told him to "Stay there" before he'd left and Bucky didn't want to disobey Steve's orders. He wanted to be good for handler Steve because the blond was nice to him and he'd said that if Bucky was good, he'd get to use the bathtub later. Bucky just wished Steve would have let him move while he was gone. Bucky wouldn't have left or anything, he'd just have gone to sit on the mattress in the bedroom or at least moved his arm to a more comfortable position. 

_"So why don't ya? Ain't like he'd know, and even if he did, why do you let him decide what to do?"_

Bucky gritted his teeth in annoyance over the voice in his head. It sounded like him, the voice always sounded like his own voice, but the ideas the voice came with were bad and would get him into trouble. That's the only thing he missed about the chair, the silence it gave. The voice grew stronger the longer he was away from the chair, stronger and more persuasive. 

_"C'me on! Move, Steve won't even notice."_

"No." He growled out loud. "Shut up." 

_"This is ridiculous!"_

Bucky ignored the voice and began counting the seconds instead. There was a clock helpfully ticking away on the wall, and Bucky got it to three hours, thirty seven minutes and fifteen seconds before keys rattled in the door. He tensed up, immediately ready for an attack and thinking up the best counter strike. He'd use the knife from his belt, aim for the right shoulder then take the third window exit and find another place to hide until he could find handler Steve. 

But when the door opened there wasn't any attackers there, just handler Steve. Bucky both felt his body relax, and had an energizing feeling rush through his blood. He had started to get that excitement rush the last two days whenever handler Steve came back if he'd been away. Even if handler Steve had only been in the bathroom and Bucky logically knew he'd be back, excitement still always seemed to bubble up when he did. 

The feeling made him want to move, made him want to bounce over to handler Steve and touch him all over. It made him want to tell handler Steve that he was happy he came back. He wanted to press his entire face against handler Steve's, because if he didn't, it felt like might float away if he didn't, and he didn't want to do that. He wanted to stay where he was, with handler Steve. 

"Christ... Buck, have you stood there the entire time?" Handler Steve ask, his face in a frown. 

"You told me to stay..." he said hesitantly. 

A pit of dread opened up deep in his guts and he quickly dropped his gaze from the blond to the floor. This wasn't what handler Steve had wanted? Bucky had somehow displeased his handler and he had no idea how he'd done it either. He wanted to squirm, to apologize, but again, he wasn't sure if he was allowed to do so or not. He didn't want to make things worse and  he didn't know what to say to make things right again. 

"Shit... Buck, I just meant stay, as in the apartment." Handler Steve sighed. 

Bucky tensed up and closed his eyes, he had misunderstood orders and he was ready for his punishment. Failure was always followed by pain.

But it never came. Instead Steve's soft hands ended up on his hips and Bucky was pulled in against Steve's warm frame. He went with the pull willingly until they were chest to chest and he could drop his head against Steve's shoulder in a silent apology. He had somehow upset Steve, but he wasn't being punished for it, he counted that as a win.  _"Told'ya so."_ The voice prodded in his head but he elected to ignore it. 

"C'me on baby boy. You can move all you want in here alright? If you wanna sit, or just walk around, use the bathroom. You are allowed to, I'm giving you permission sweet boy." Steve mumbled to his ear. "Unless I specifically tell you to not move from a specific point, you're allowed to move." 

"Yes, Steve." he mumbled in reply against Steve's shoulder. 

"You gonna gimme a kiss? Been missing my best fella all day." 

Bucky was eager to comply with that order... or was it a request? Bucky simply assumed it was an order because he didn't get requests, but he wasn't at all unhappy for this specific order. In fact, most of Steve's orders were orders he didn't mind follow. Unless it was the ones that required him to stand still just for the sake of practice. They both knew he could and would stand for hours doing nothing if he was told to do so. 

But what handler Steve didn't know, was that whenever he stood still for that long, it began to pent up energy in his body. Energy that Bucky feared would one day be too much for him to control and he'd move. Wishing it or not. That energy made it so much easier to listen to the voice telling him to do things, to think, to move and act ways he wasn't supposed to.

Right now though, he gave up an involuntary happy noise when Steve licked over his lips and Bucky quickly opened his mouth for the blond. He didn't do it just to be good, he really wanted and liked Steve's tongue in his mouth. Of all the food Steve had given him on their four day escape, Steve's mouth tasted the best, today it also tasted slightly sweet, like the candy Steve had in his left pocket. 

But just as Bucky began to get... (well, he didn't quite know what he was getting; energy had began to bubble. Pushing him to want more of Steve and heat had began pooling in his stomach.) Steve pulled back And the loss made him whine before he could stop himself. He huffed in annoyance over his own actions and quickly adverted his gaze down to the floor. 

Steve just chuckled in amusement and pecked another quick kiss to his lips before he walked back to his bags and carried them to the kitchen area.

"Don't be greedy piscín beag. I have to get the groceries into the fridge. Sit down and practice until I tell you to stop." 

Bucky knew he was pouting just the slightest. Other agents wouldn't have known because it was barely a pout at all, but handler Steve always seemed to notice anyway. But Bucky couldn't help it, for one; he wasn't a small kitten. Two; he didn't want to sit still and go through the alphabet in all the languages he knew. It was boring and he wouldn't have a good view of Steve on the floor. 

"Bucky."

Steve's voice was a clear warning and Bucky knew it. So without further delay, he plopped ungraciously  to the floor and began with the Russian alphabet while he watched what he could of Steve's upper back. He was somewhere in the middle when the small voice in his head began nagging him by telling him that this was unfair since he'd been still all day. 

He pushed the voice aside and continued to focus on the alphabet with a decreased ability to keep track on Steve.  _"He wouldn't even know if you stopped. It's all in your head."_ **"Shut up and leave me alone."** _"I'm you, milk brain. Y're telling yourself to shut up, you dip."_ **"Shut up!"** _"Steve's being unfair and you know it. You've been still for hours and your arm hurt."_ **"SHUT UP!"**

"Bucky! C'me on big boy, snap out of it!" A light slap to his face and Steve's voice brought him out of his inner argument and he blinked confused at the blond. "There we go, c'me on baby. I've got ya."

"What..." he said dumbly in confusion. 

"You with me Buck?" Steve asked, his thumbs stroking over Bucky's cheeks. 

"Yes... M'sorry." he mumbled. 

"That's a'right baby boy. You are allowed to think, but you have to stay with me all the time alright? Don't wanna have to use the words." 

Bucky nodded loyally and sighed when Steve tugged him in against his shoulder again and rested his face comfortably to the crook of Steve's neck. How had he even gotten so caught up in arguing with the voice in his head he hadn't noticed? How had he forgotten what he was supposed to do? Things wasn't right but he didn't want to fail their mission either so telling Steve was out of the picture. They had a mission and that always took priority. 

Besides... handler Steve wasn't unfair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, we really don't know what's going on in Buck's head, so I figured you might be curious about it and decided to let you know, at least a little. 
> 
> I'm again sorry about the lateness, there's been a lot of energy going into my pup, he's in need of surgery and because of that I'm getting even fewer hours to write.  
> I haven't given up on the fic though even if it comes slow and I'm so grateful for everyone reading/commenting and leaving kudos! :) Thank you so much! 
> 
> (Also, if you wouldn't mind; Would you people please leave a little comment telling me if you want more Bucky's POV or if you want just Steve, that way it'll be easier for me to give you what you want ^^)


	7. The flight that never came

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve and Bucky is headed for Moscow, but they get delayed in New York.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello my darlings, I am so sorry about this chapter being short, but it was short or wait another couple of months. There aren't any warnings, so I hope you'll enjoy a little fluff!

The change in Bucky happened very slow.

Or at least, it happened slower than Steve'd anticipated that it would happen. The first few days of their escape, Bucky would act as he always did, he'd follow orders and be loyal as a dog and question nothing. Bucky did whatever Steve had told Bucky to do, stopped when Steve told him to stop and he'd slide into his usual sort of  _stand by mode_ whenever Steve didn't have any orders for him or if Steve didn't need him. 

The first big change in Bucky came after a couple of days, maybe the fourth, maybe the fifth. Steve would notice how Bucky's eyes would gloss over now and then, looking like he was miles and miles away in the deepest of thoughts. Then there would be that hint of defiance where Bucky would be toeing the lines on what he could and couldn't do when Steve wasn't watching him.

Steve was honestly both delighted and terrified over that stage of Bucky's change. Yes, he loved seeing Bucky slowly transition into being his own person, how he began to think, develop a sense of curiosity and a personality of his own. But Steve also dreaded what Bucky would do once he realized he wasn't a mindless tool, that he wasn't a prisoner under HYDRA's hard rule anymore. When Bucky realized Steve had no actual power over him.

Steve knew the answer, it was obvious really... Bucky would leave Steve because even if Steve had tried to be kind to Bucky, he had still abused him for years and he knew that. The things he did with Bucky, he'd never do to an actual thinking person.

Maybe it was a selfish thing to do, but whenever Steve noticed that Bucky was spacing out for longer than half a minute, he'd pull him back. Steve would say something to Bucky, touch him or somehow make the soldier come back to him. Steve knew he couldn't do this forever, he was just pushing up the inevitable fate that was to come, but he couldn't stop. 

Steve wasn't cruel though, not on purpose anyhow. When he took away Bucky's thinking time, he'd encourage the brunet to do other things. He'd encourage Bucky to move about in whatever area they were currently living. He encouraged Buck to explore and touch whatever he felt like touching. Bucky still wouldn't go into the bathroom alone, leaving it to Steve to notice the minimal shifting and squirming about when he really needed to piss. It just didn't matter how many times Steve told Bucky he was allowed to go to the bathroom alone, he just never did.

On top of Bucky's slow recovery into a human again, they constantly had to be on the move. Steve wouldn't have them stay longer than two to three days anywhere, knowing that HYDRA was on their tails and most likely having Bucky and Steve as a priority target. Staying longer than three days at the same place increased the risk of getting caught. Not that Bucky seemed to mind their constant plan of movement. 

Then again, Bucky didn't really mind anything Steve said or did. Not yet.

Then they'd finally reached New York, from where Steve was planning for them to take a plane to Moscow. He'd got them fake ID's, pulled Bucky's hair up in a bun and shaved his stubble. He had thought about cutting Bucky's hair short, but had decided that unless Bucky gave Steve his honest permission Steve wouldn't do any big changes to Bucky's persona. His stubble though, grew out really fast, so he didn't count that as a big change even if it made the brunet looked entirely different. 

That's why they were sitting at a downtown little coffee shop that day in Manhattan. They still had about ten hours to kill before they had to get to the airport and they'd do best not lingering around as many security cameras as there was on an airport. Their weapon bags were laying underneath their table and Steve kept kicking Bucky's feet whenever the soldier was eating his sandwich too quickly. 

After the third kick, Bucky actually sent him a dirty glare. Steve cocked his brows, silently challenging the brunet to say something, but Bucky just glared at him worse than ever. He watched as the former asset of HYDRA kept a tight grip of his sandwich. It looked, for only a moment, as if Bucky would take another bite, but in the end, he grumpily dropped it, looking like a petulant pouting five year old that wasn't allowed ice cream. As a last act of rebellion, Bucky popped the straw of his strawberry smoothie in his mouth instead. 

Of course, having a pink straw between his lips really only managed to make the pout even more adorable. Steve really couldn't help but laugh at the image. He dropped his own fried and pulled up his camera, taking a picture of Bucky before putting it back in his left pant pocket. His camera was one of his favorite possession and on their little road trip, he'd filled two entire memory cards with picture of landmarks they passed, of himself and of Bucky. There was so many pictures of Bucky, pictures where the brunet was expressing so much with smiles, pouts or any kind of faces he did. 

He knew he could never let anyone else see those pictures, or upload them anywhere because HYDRA would know in an instant both where they were and how to find them. He'd prefer not to  be found because he was an idiot with a fucking crush. Or, at all. So the pictures stayed on his memory card for later use. Maybe if they ever found a safe place to settle down, he'd print them and make an album.

"Awh, c'me on Buck. It's for your own best and you know it. You throwing up isn't going to help either of us, now is it?" He asked as he grabbed Bucky's hand over the table. 

"Won't throw up." The brunet grumbled without removing himself from the pink straw. 

This was new too. Steve could hold small conversations, reason with Bucky without the brunet looking at him suspiciously as if trying to figure out what the trap was or chatting with a brick wall. Bucky still wouldn't outright say the word _no_ to Steve, but it was easier to tell when Bucky was uncomfortable about something or when he actually wanted to say no. Sometimes, Bucky would still use their finger tapping system when he wanted to say no. Somehow that command had stayed with him even after being wiped. 

"Yes you will, remember yesterday?" Steve squeezed Bucky's hand gently with his own. "You didn't listen then either."

Bucky let the straw slip out of his mouth and his head dropped the slightest along with his eyes. Yesterday, Bucky had been having one of his defiance days. Steve had bought them food from McDonalds and Bucky hadn't listened when Steve told him not to eat so fast because he knew Bucky would throw up. Bucky had stared him in the eyes and just kept on eating, half a minute later, he'd barely reached the toilet before all his food had come back up again. 

"Hey baby boy, s'okay. But you have to listen to me, I just want what's good for you." He said gently before pulling Bucky's hand to his lips and kissed on the knuckles. 

Steve never wanted Bucky to believe that whatever Steve did, was to any way harm Bucky. He told Bucky to stop eating and drinking too fast and too much because when the soldier did, he threw it all up and that wasn't exactly a comfortable experience and only served to make things worse. The poor guy already had a bundle of bad experiences from HYDRA only knows exactly how long and Steve didn't want to add to those. 

"Yes Steve." Bucky muttered, while refusing to look at Steve at all. 

"Y're such a good boy, baby. How about y'get a real long and comfy bath when we land? Cause y're so good, yeah?" 

Bucky's head jerked up at that, hope beaming in his eyes and that little comforting fire lit back up in Steve's chest, just as it always did when Bucky smiled or looked hopeful. Steve really found the guy gorgeous when he smiled, he could just imagine what Bucky must have been like before HYDRA grabbed him, tortured him and destroyed him. As so many times before, Steve imagined Bucky had been a very happy person. 

But just as they sat there in comfort of each other, the calm buzz of people chatting all around them and things nearly felt... normal, there was a loud crash. Steve dropped Bucky's hand and whipped around for the source. Glass laid shattered all over the floor from the now destroyed window. In the gaping hole out to the street stood... Well Steve wasn't sure what it was. It looked humanoid but that thing wasn't even a little human.

The creature had arms, legs, body and head like a human, but the skin was gray. It's clothes, or rather armor, nearly looked like it was one with the skin and the face looked as if it more belonged to some kind of bug mixed with an alien movie. The golden chunk of metal it had in it's hand looked less than friendly and the way it sounded, a sort of beaming ominous power up sound, let Steve know it was some sort of large gun.

And it was aimed straight at his chest, giving no place for escape. 

It's true what they say about dying, you really do see flashes of your life pass by your eyes. Steve only wished his life wouldn't end, not now that it finally seemed to have begun.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yes, yes I lied, this wasn't only fluff! SURPRISE! 
> 
> Anyway, I wanted to apologize for how rudely long it takes between updates, dunno if y'guys are even readin' this anymore but sure hope y'do.  
> Life has been real stressful with school, my pup getting his surgery and still isn't good yet. It takes a lot of my time and energy and all I really wanna do is sleep for a year. But I haven't given this lil thing up, I still love it and I have so much planned in here so I hope you guys all stays put for the rest of it! 
> 
> See ya all at the next chapter, y're all amazing and y'should brace y'selves for angst!


	8. Handler down

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Steve is down and Bucky has to handle it...

Bucky had actually been enjoying his and handler Steve’s lunch. Not even that annoying voice had been out to bother him, and Bucky had been left to his own device to handle the day as it came. When Steve marked that he wasn’t allowed to eat more of his sandwich, he’d been… _annoyed._

Annoyance wasn’t a new feeling of course. Even when he’d been hazy in his head and followed his handler to the dot, he had always _or for as far as he could remember_ , been having these emotions. He’d be annoyed, angry or scared. Sometimes even thankful.

But ever since being… away? With handler Steve, his emotions had gotten bigger. Or maybe it was just that he now dared to listen to those emotions and to follow them up with an angry face, crossing his arms over his chest or make small annoyed or disgusted sounds.

He was no fool though, he knew his new allowances and his new discoveries about himself came only because Steve was there to help him. Steve allowed, sometimes even encouraged these little things.

Without Steve? He wouldn’t have these experiences…

And right now, Steve was being threatened.

They had been calmly enjoying their lunch, then Bucky had heard something, outside, it sounded like battle but he wasn’t sure. Many of the sounds were foreign to him. Not the sounds of things breaking or people screaming far away, but other sounds… he couldn’t explain them. He had also been occupied with handler Steve holding his hand and the offer of a bath.

But, as Bucky had just planned to inform Steve that **something** was going on… the window had broken into tiny little shards and a target had burst through. Bucky placed everyone he met or saw in different folders, there was civilians, possible agents and targets. The civilians he obviously didn’t much care of, the possible agents he kept his eyes on and the targets… the targets were the people who threatened him or his handler.

It had all gone very fast, Bucky had heard a small noise, a soft little sound of something gathering up energy. A little like his arm when he aimed for a hard hit, but not quite the same. The sound though, made him react, in the flash of a second Bucky’s hand had flew up to push Steve aside.

In the end, it had been too little and too late, the blue charge of power left the mouth of the odd rifle and Steve was hit with force enough for him to be thrown back over the room until his dead weight hit hard to the wall across the room.

While Steve was thrown in his arch over the room, Bucky’s arm had grabbed the odd offending rifle, twisted them both around so the rifle flew from his target’s hands and then there was the sound of a gun ringing out.

One, two, three, four, five.

Target eliminated.

The body fell to the ground like a ragdoll, just as it was meant to. With his target dead, Bucky takes himself the time to look at whatever attacked him and his handler. It wasn’t human, but it was humanoid, a twisted creature that he couldn’t place race on.

Not that he cared much of it though because his handler was priority. In three long strides, he reaches his handler, still a heap on the floor across the room, and slips down on his knees by Steve’s side.

New objective; Damage report.

Handler Steve was unconscious, but breathing, well enough for his chest to heave. Breath was a bit more labored than it would usually but not more than after a quick run. Handler Steve’s shirt and jacket both heavily damaged and underneath it, his skin was split and blistered in several places, oozing out blood down over the rest of his shirt and the flood.

Damage control; Stop the bleeding.

Bucky knew first aid for these kinds of situations. He didn’t know how to fix someone up properly, he was no doctor. But he did know how to put himself back into a working state and he knew how to put his handlers in a state so they would survive a return to base for proper medical care.

Luckily for both him and handler Steve, Steve had picked out a soft pliable hoodie for Bucky to wear this morning. That meant he could easily tear it apart and turn it into temporary stripes of bandages. Best had of course been if there was any vodka or rum around to soak into the makeshift bandages… But they had picked a small diner and not a bar so the hoodie alone would have to do and they would have to hope the wound wouldn’t get infected.

Thanks to his strength, pulling and ripping his hoodie into long shreds weren’t that much of a hardship. The hard part was manhandling Steve and get the wound wrapped tight enough so the blood wouldn’t just continue to flow underneath it. While _simultaneously_ make sure he didn’t hurt Steve worse than he was already hurt.

While he worked on his handler, Bucky could hear the fighting still going on outside of the diner, much louder than before. By the strange noises he could hear, he guessed this fight had turned airborne and something **very** large was making sounds that he could only compare to buildings falling over and whale like noises?

People were still screaming in terror and panic and that wasn’t very odd. Bucky imagined quite a lot of people were dying. But what he did find off with this whole ordeal was how little gunfire there was. He knew these attackers used different weapons, but the military should have responded by now, they were actually quite efficient at that as soon as the big people stepped in.

Bucky had seen battle before, missions that had required him to appear in the middle of large conflicts or wars. He’d never been smack in it of course, that wasn’t what a ghost did, but he’d been at the sidelines, laying in the dark with his rifles and taken out generals and high up leaders. But he’d still heard what war sounded like.

Wars were explosions, shouts of command, screams of terror and bullets. This battle was lacking the sound of guns being fired, by orders shouted… This battle lacked the sound made by an army. And still, there’s got to be someone making some kind of resistance because he could hear the sound of fighting. The sounds of airborne fighters going down.

_“No one would find y’out if y’just vanished in this mess. Leave him’n go.”_

Bucky huffed in frustration because now wasn’t the damn time for the annoying voice in his goddam head to start messing with his decision making. He had to get handler Steve to safety and stand down for new orders. Without Steve… he wouldn’t have what he had now! It wasn’t much but it was finally something that was **his.**

_“Go! Y’have to go to Brooklyn’n keep’em safe!”_

“Have to help Steve.” He grunts in annoyance. He doesn’t even bother making it his inner voice saying it. No one was around to tell him to cut it out or draw conclusions that he had an annoying voice in his head.

The voice in his head though, made the equivalent feeling of an eyeroll ring through his body, and then went blissfully quiet. That left Bucky to finish his work on Steve’s temporary bandages around his shoulder and then make a quick scan of the surrounding. They wouldn’t be able to stay there; the shop was exposed and Steve needed medical attention…

Bucky knew where they needed to go… but he didn’t want to there. He had no doubt they would punish him severely for doing this rouge mission. And the last week with Steve… Well, it had been so confusing, that much was true. The voice in his head was really annoying and he didn’t like not knowing what to do when Steve didn’t give him a task.

But he was feeling so different!

For the first time in forever, he was feeling almost… well, he was kind of starting to believe that maybe, just maybe, there was more to him than just being the tool of HYDRA. He also had enjoyed not being in pain, the headaches had been less, the chair hadn’t…

But for handler Steve? He needed to go back to beg them to fix Steve or Steve would die. This was all his fault and he should be the one who took the fall for it. Not Steve. HYDRA would fix Steve and Bucky would pay the price for this whole mess.

With his mind set up, he quickly got up on his feet and began scavenge the store for supplies to use. With Steve’s jacket, a broken chair and Steve’s shoelaces, he made a makeshift stretcher for Steve and their weaponry bags.

He equipped himself with as many guns and knives he could carry without it being a hindrance to his movements in close combat. He would have to keep Steve safe on the way to the closest base and it was a raging war out there, meaning he’d have to keep their backs free of both targets that may shoot at them and attack them up close in melee battle.

He grabbed the makeshift Stretcher by the middle of the upper edge, made sure Steve and their weaponry bags were secured, then dragged Steve out of the building.

Outside was in utter chaos. Cars were burning or scattered, like a giant who had seen it like toys and tossed them all about. Debris and broken objects were scattered all over the streets where people were screaming and running around without further goal than unorganized panic.

Police, firemen and ambulance staff were doing what best they could for damage control. An amendable attitude, but a lost cause. In the sky, there is something red and gold that looks like a robot and it is seemingly fighting the twisted creatures. Bucky’s guess is some kind of high tech weapon but he doesn’t really know.

Not far off from where he is dragging Steve, he can see a redhead fighting on the ground. He is mildly interested to see that he knows that exact style of fighting. But he doesn’t linger on it, Steve was in need of a doctor and he needed it soon, so after making a quick route for them, Bucky starts walking.

Mission; Secure handler’s safety.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Look who's popping up for an update! I have no excuses and I hope a new chapter will be apology enough! Next chapter is planned and I am eager to write it so hopefully it will come faster (no promises tho)


	9. Time's up

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Time is running short, Steve needs medical attention but obstacles on the way might make time run out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's this? Another chapter? Oh yes it is! Here you go my lovelies, I apologize for the delay!

"Put the knife down! If you can’t see it, you are outnumbered."

_“Don't touch him!”_

“What?”

_"We just want to help your friend, if you don’t get him to a doctor he will die."_

Steve wasn’t really sure where he was or why he was there, he just knew he’d been woken up from some really strange dreams by loud angry voices. In his dreams _(that made absolutely no sense to him either asleep or awake)_ there had been strange men, looking nothing like men, with weird big guns that looked nothing like real guns and then one of those men that weren't actually men had shot him in the shoulder.

If there was something he’d really have appreciated, it would have been if he hadn’t been woken up by shouting in a mix of English and Russian. He would also have appreciated it if he hadn’t woken up with his entire body feeling like it’d been mauled by a train and if his shoulder was on fire. Whoever was shouting was going to get themselves shot because Steve was pissed.

However, when he finally opened his eyes, there were a few things he came to realize. One; The world was way too bright for the headache he hadn’t even known a few seconds ago that he had. Two; Being shot in his shoulder hadn’t been just in his dreams as he’d originally thought.

Three; The world was in ruins around him.

Whatever had happened while he’d been out, it wasn’t just a minor grenade being thrown. It looked like the city had been through six months’ worth of war. Buildings had been crashed into, debris could be seen all over the place, cars were tossed about like toys and glass was shattered all over the place. It looked like a giant had marched through the city with a sledgehammer just for the fun of it.

Steve took a moment to appreciate that somehow in all this mess, he was still alive and he was laying on a somewhat of a flat surface. His shoulder was pounding in a way that told him it was probably tied up with something, and the only loud noises to be heard were the annoying voices shouting at each other. One of which were Bucky’s voice, he’d know that voice anywhere.

“Look, your pincushion over there is waking up and we should really move him. We have a doctor that can look him over at once if we get him off the street.”

It’s a man speaking, or a slightly can like version of the voice of a man speaking, as if he was speaking under a bucket. Despite the fact that Steve is fairly sure that the man just called him a pincushion, a doctor would be a really nice thing right about now. Steve wasn’t an idiot, he knew what it felt like to be close to death, he’d been here enough times to know the feeling and he was feeling it right now.

Of course, that thought being thought, they were both on a very hot and short list to be found by HYDRA and if this was HYDRA offering a doctor… well. Dying right now would be a lot more comfortable than being fixed up by doctors only to be tortured for six months and **then** killed. Sure he was in a body ripping pain, but at least it was happening rather quickly.  

But then again, he was more on the _Shoot at sight_ list than the, _grab and bring back list_. So the fact that he was still alive and that Bucky was still arguing very loudly and not taken down spoke for the very good possibility that these people weren’t HYDRA and if they weren’t HYDRA, their help would be extremely appreciated.

Either way, Steve didn’t exactly have the time to seek out other options right now. Bucky wouldn’t be able to fix him up without a doctor and the programmed way for the asset to get a doctor would be dragging his handlers to the closest base.

“Buck! Stand down.” He says as sharp as he can manage.

Tensing as much of his body as he did only using those few words made him nauseous and he once again blessed whoever had put him on his back on a flat surface since it was the only thing stopping him from vomiting. He assumed the shakes puking gave would be rather painful right about now.

Steve tilted his head to the side when the wave of nausea finally dwindled down, and looked over to where Bucky’s voice had come from. He hadn’t even realized how tense he’d been until the flood of relief upon seeing his Bucky stand there, washed over him. He’d heard Bucky and everything, but seeing him? It just was a lot more valid than hearing him.

Bucky was standing between Steve and a redhead lady in black tight clothes, the iron man suit, and a guy holding a bow. Steve’s brain must have been mostly undamaged because it was at once working on autopilot, evaluating Bucky’s opponents to be able to give the best orders and the best help.

The woman’s clothes were guaranteed made to distract more than one person into believe she wasn’t much of a threat but her stance and the hand on her gun by her hip told Steve otherwise. The guy with a bow had an arrow at the ready and even if it was pointed to the ground Steve had no doubts he’d be able to move it into position in the blink of an eye. Then there was the iron suit, Steve knew what if could do from HYDRA’s video feeds. HYDRA had after all been trying to get their hands on that suit for quite some time now.

Bucky, for as far as Steve could see, was only holding a knife in his right hand. While Steve was quite certain that Buck could actually take out the redhead and the bow guy, a knife probably wouldn’t do much against the iron suit in close combat. Especially since Bucky wasn’t in an attacking stance, he was put in protective mode. His odds were really bad in this mode.

“Buck. Stand down, it’s an order.” This time, he says it in the way of an order as well. He can see Bucky flinch slightly but he doesn’t listen. Steve need to rethink, and quickly. “Shh, it’s okay baby boy. You can keep the knife, but you’ll have to put it in a pocket. You have to let them help us, I’m in a really bad shape. And neither of you are going to touch him or he’ll defend himself.”

The last part is obviously aimed to the strangers. But his words for Bucky seems to have hit home, Bucky slowly lowers his knife and at the same time the redhead lets her hand away from her gun. Robin Hood puts his bow away and when the arrow is put back on place in it's quiver, Bucky slips his knife into some hidden pocket in his jacket.

“Wait, what? We’re following Dorito’s lead now? When did this happen?” The iron suit asks bewildered. Steve really can’t remember the guy’s name right now.

“Stark," ah there it was, "let it go. I’ll explain later.” The woman says as she slowly moves forwards.

Steve keeps his eyes trained at Bucky as he still blocks her way. But the woman stops face to face with him and they just stare at each other a few moments, then the woman mumbles a few quiet words in Russian that Steve don’t quite get. Bucky looks at her for a moment longer, then to Steve’s big surprise but enormous relief, Bucky moves aside.

“But Robocop is still ARMED! Pun entirely intended.”

“Tony!”

“Fine, fine. Can we move now? JARVIS says Dorito don’t have every long left if we don’t get him up to the infirmary asap.”

Steve agrees with whoever the heck Jarvis was. He really wasn’t feeling very green and his head was getting foggy again, making thinking hard. There was absolutely no guarantee that Bucky would behave once Steve passed back out, so Steve really hoped no one would try to antagonize him because it wouldn’t end up well.

He really does try to keep awake for as long as he could, but the moment they lifts him over to a stretcher, the pain shoots in and all he can see and feel is black.

If Bucky behaves or not, Steve wouldn’t know until, or even **if** he woke back up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for sticking with me even if my update schedule is like.. non existing. Stuff happens and writing gets hard. But then there's some sunshine and poof, writing is easy. I hope you'll keep enjoy reading though!^^ 
> 
> If you have something to say, or have questions, you can find me on my tumblr: http://isalahadow.tumblr.com/


	10. Chapter three: the long path

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Tony's point of view of what's going on.

Tony Stark was a lot of things, genius, billionaire, playboy, philanthropist, iron man, and a bunch of other things. What he wasn’t though, and what he’d never been, was a team player. If he asked some psychologist, they would probably tell him that it was due to some abandonment complex that came from his parents death, or daddy issues because of a lacking father.

Tony had always just figured it was because there’d never been a team who played at the same level of intellect that he was. Any team Tony'd ever tried to play in had been miles away from understanding what he was talking about, even when he spoke about as such simple things as how you split an atom or tweak an engine to make your car work more efficiently or something else that anyone should get.

That’s why he wasn’t a team player, not due to some abandonment issue.

Besides, there was Pepper, but they’d never really played, they’d more… danced. She was a beautiful woman and she’d make someone very happy someday, but that someone wasn’t Tony. He’d played with the idea of course, how it’d be if the two of them became a couple, he really liked her. But Pepper deserved someone better than him, and quite frankly, **_he_**  deserved someone who shared his hobbies and interests. Shared his IQ.

Like Bruce. 

And Tony wouldn’t ever have met Doctor Banner if it wasn’t for the fact that he’d temporarily decided to be a team player instead of a lone wolf. He’d joined Fury’s super-secret boy band and helped save the world. He says boy band, because Natasha who was the only woman in the group, might as well be one of the boys. Tony had seen her flip Happy upside down like if he was a rag doll, so yes, it was still a boy band.

And why was he even thinking about this right now?

Because he was procrastinating from his own head, while watching Doctor Banner and Doctor Cho patch up the Dorito they had found on the street earlier that day. Dorito’s angry looking and very intimidating friend was standing beside him, glaring at the window as if it had somehow personally offended him and his entire family.

Tony really didn’t feel like initiating a conversation with the guy though.

Which was odd in itself, because Tony would always _(according to Pepper anyhow)_ say _‘stupid’_ things at _‘stupid’_ times. Bullshit if you asked Tony, but right then and there? Not even Tony was as dumb as to poke that beehive of angry looking hobo. Not when he’d seen what he could do with nothing but a knife if he felt like he needed to fight.

Legolas had been the one to spot the angry wannabee Skywalker while the guy had pretty much cut his way through the alien army with nothing but a knife. There had been no stopping him, like, seriously.  They had all thought it was one of Thor’s guys or something with how good the guy was in a fight.

When the battle was over, both Romanoff and the golden retriever of a thunder god had prompted that they found the soldier. Luckily, the guy hadn’t been hard to find and when they did, he hadn’t been alone. Instead of the soldier’s feat to have been less impressive with backup, they had all realized he’d fought himself through the alien army with just a knife, while dragging an unconscious and badly wounded man behind him. A man that was by no means small.

Thor had confirmed that they weren’t Asgardians, so Tony had no idea why these two idiots were that important. But, Romanoff had seemed to think so. Important enough for them to negotiate even when the hobo soldier was threatening **them** with his knife. 

And so, here they stood. Tony without his suit beside a man, he knew was armed with a knife. Sure, it was hidden somewhere on his persona and not actually in his hand, but Tony had a feeling that if the guy wanted, that knife would be out before anyone could say 'woah'. And with a neat metal arm that looked nothing but dangerous? Tony could honestly say he didn't feel very safe. 

However..? He really wanted a closer look at that arm…

“How is he doing?”

Tony nearly jumps out of his skin at the question coming from his left. The hobo soldier was standing on his right and the female voice from the left had been entirely unexpected. It was Natasha, of course, who else could move like if noise was just something that all lesser people made and she was some kind of supreme sneaking expert.

To Tony’s utter annoyance, he’d been the only one who jumped by the sudden appearance of the spy. Either the hobo soldier had heard her coming, _(in whatever way he’d been able to hear that)_ or he simply hadn’t cared. Because angry hobo was still just standing there, un-phased and glaring at the doctors through the window.

“Oh, I wouldn’t know because someone just **killed** me by giving me a heart attack.” He huffs, not actually upset, but his pride was a little damaged.

“Don’t be so dramatic. Will he be fine?”

“Jarvis thinks so.” Tony says with a little shrug. “He’ll have a nasty scar, but no Dorito is perfect.”

Natasha just quietly nods at that, and then they’re just standing again, watching. Tony kept watching Bruce as he was working, his fingers moving with such grace with the needle as they were stitching and working so hard to save a life. It wasn't fair of them to have asked Bruce, he'd been exhausted already from being in the fight, from being the green guy. But Natasha had said it was important it didn't get out who they had in there. 

“They won’t hurt him.”

Tony nearly jumps out of his skin again, because somehow the redhead has moved to his other side while he’s been watching Bruce’s hands. It’s at once clear to him that she isn’t talking to him, but Tony wonders just what kind of answers she expect to get from the cyborg. It isn’t like he’s been very talkative since they got back here.

Just as Tony suspected, there’s no reply. The guy lifts his head the slightest, clenches his really square jaw _(Where on earth did a specimen like that come from anyway?)._ But the glare softens up a little to just a frown as he now frowns at the window. Frowning is better than the glaring, right? Tony isn’t very good at reading these kinds of things. That’s what he has Pepper and Jarvis around for.

“He’s very important to you, isn’t he?” She continues, “where did you meet?”

Again, there was no answer, but Tony does give her credit for daring to even try talking to the guy. Tony had that feeling that one wrong word could set the hobo soldier back into killing mode. This time they wouldn’t be so lucky as to have the Dorito wake up to save their asses in the very last minute before they got their throats slit.

Tony did have half a mind to figure what his best exit would be in case the situation exploded, just in case.

“Where are you from?”

“Brooklyn.”

Tony nearly jumps, **again,** he’s getting real tired of jumping by now. He's never like this. But he really hadn’t been prepared to hear an answer. Even less prepared to hear the answer be _Brooklyn._ Tony didn’t know why, but this guy didn’t feel like a Brooklyn guy.

“I’m Russian.”

“I know.”

“Have you been there?”

No answer.

Tony sighs quietly, he’s way too tired to deal with all this shit. He’d literary fought in a small war against a space army, defeated a god, thrown a nuke through a black hole, died and then got threatened with a knife. All before dinner. More weird and stress was probably the last thing he needed, but what could they do? Decisions had been made and there was no turning back time.

“Tony, could I talk to you? In private.” Natasha says, somehow standing really close to him.

It was a testimony on how tired he was with everything that had happened that he didn’t even come up with a funny remark. He just gave the redhead a silent nod at the request and followed her out of the observation room.

Had he known that this conversation was about to make his day turn out even weirder, he’d probably not have followed her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, question time! Do you guys want to know what the other avengers thinks about things? A chapter here and there from the viewpoint of someone else. Aye or Nay?

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading! :) Kudos and comments are absolutely appreciated and keeps me writing! :) 
> 
> I apologize for any eventual spelling/grammar errors. I am a dyslectic and there is only so much spelling programs can do!


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